I've been told that there is nothing quite like becoming a grandparent. While I'm still awaiting the bliss of that, I often get drawn back to the memories of my own grandparents. That's a picture of my Mom's parents, holding me and my sister.
They were the best. I was the closest to my grandfather and he used to tell me that I was his favorite. I bathed in that truth and took it to heart. He had become the center of my world and I loved him dearly.
I felt the most special when I was with him and because he lived far from me, we spent as much time together as possible. During summer break from school, my sister and I would spend time with our grandparents. Sometimes it meant going fishing which included my privileged time of steering the boat. I felt like I was on top of the world.
When he was diagnosed with cancer, I was devastated and panic stricken. I couldn't imagine my life without him. It was one of their trips back from Arizona that they told us of the news. In their retirement years, they spent the winters in Yuma, Arizona. I, often, wanted to go with them.
I don't remember a lot about grandpa's sickness except it stole all the things that made him who he was to me. When he got really bad, we took him into our home and cared for him. That was an exceptionally cherished time for me.
Whenever I wanted to see him, I could. When the cancer got really bad, he could no longer talk. That was really hard to take but it seemed as though I could look into his deep, blue eyes and just know what he was saying to me.
Then, what seemed like in the blink of an eye, he passed away. Shortly before then, he had been transferred to a hospital because we could no longer provide the critical care he needed. I always hoped that he would get better. I mean, what little girl wouldn't hope for that? He was Superman to me and I thought he would fully recover and come knocking on my door. That never happened.
I was so distraught at his passing that I didn't even cry at his funeral. To this day, my sister marvels at how I could have done that. It seems cruel that I didn't but I was beyond tears.
My grandfather was gone - my world was over as far as I knew it. Even as I write this out, I can feel the hurt of losing him all over again. How surreal.
We are never fully prepared to lose a loved one, especially one so close to our hearts. It can devastate our lives and leave us baffled. I was far from being consoled when my grandfather left this world.
I wasn't sure how I would go forward. I truly believe that something changed in me that day to lend to altering the trajectory of my life. Don't ask me how, it just seemed to happen. Things...I just wasn't the same as the years wore on. I became an angry, despondent, and depressed girl.
It's taken a long time, but I finally came to terms with my grandfather's passing and because of having a relationship with God, I believe that I will see him again in heaven. I have learned that in order to get through the grieving process, you first have to give yourself permission to grieve.
I didn't do that as a young girl. Losing someone close can take a long time to overcome. Especially, if that person didn't have a relationship with Jesus. However, I believe that every single person has an opportunity to know the love and goodness of God, not only at any point of their lives but also at the end of it.
I have known God long enough to know that He never gives up on anyone and He will pursue each person who doesn't know Him, in hopes that they will invite Him into their hearts and lives to have an abundant life in Him. That was my hope for my grandfather and is for each person, including you, sweet girl.
Encouragement for the week:
Losing someone close to you isn't easy. Especially, when you have special memories of your time with that person. I understand.
If you are a Christian reading this, you know that there is great comfort and peace in going to Jesus at times of loss. His arms bring rest and assurance, even in the most unsettling of times. Keep running to Him.
If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. He has the power and love to walk with you through every loss in your life while bringing you peace and comfort beyond your own understanding.
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