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Introspection is defined as the, ‘Contemplation of one’s own thoughts, feelings, and sensations; self-examination; heart-searching.’
As I daily live out this life of following God and surrendering to what God wishes to do in and through me, as well as remaining physically ready for whatever comes next, there exists a common denominator within me. One that causes me great introspection throughout this faith walk. I suspect it will keep resonating within me until the denominator is quenched once and for all…but can it? The denominator I speak of is feeling alone.
I have often found myself standing in the midst of people, even chaos, and being unable to deny the unmistakable gnawing of feeling so alone. “But you are not alone, my Child,” God says. “I know I’m not totally alone God, for I have You", I reply. “But I really do feel alone, Lord", I add.
I can’t seem to explain or describe my ‘aloneness’ in relation to what that feeling stirs within me. Quite often I have to be content to feel alone and move forward while questions of, “Will I ever stop feeling like a foreigner in a strange land? Will I ever stop feeling so alone?”, make a mess of my already perplexed mind.
They say, “Don’t have any regrets.” Before becoming a Christian, I lived a smeared and dirty life filled with regrets. Regret for all the horrible things I did and how unworthy those horrible things made me feel about myself. Then when I became a Christian, all of that changed in an instant and I was released from every regret and sinful deed. I was freed.
Now I live a life knowing I will never have regrets because when my heart is impressed to help someone, I’ll help. When I’m prompted to tell someone I care or that I love them, that's what I'll do. Just because I feel alone, doesn’t mean I can’t extend a word of encouragement to someone else who might be feeling the same.
We all long to be loved and cared for and our hearts really do cry out...for something. Something beyond us and our understanding. I often cry out to God from my heart for all the desires that are housed there but the best takes time and that means waiting.
So I have to wait and I have to be patient. I can barely type that word without laughing out loud for I am not the most patient woman but my many experiences with God have, well, stretched me to grow into a state of being patient as I, often, need to be.
As long as I have known God I know He has a sense of humor. I can’t always say that it’s the kind of humor that I can appreciate but it does make Him easier to relate to. He knows my inner hurts and needs and He is always working in me and my life, even though I may not see any progress. In turn, I know the commitment I have made to Him because of wanting His very best for me.
As for my aloneness? Well, someone reminded me of how alone Paul must have felt. Paul is a fellow in the Bible who was called to do God’s work and he was opposed a lot for doing so. So much that he only had a few good friends who stood by him as he did the work he needed to do. My heart goes out to Paul, but it was as though his dedication to God always seemed to mask that aloneness and he just kept going.
In my own experience, every time I've been met with this feeling of being alone, God has always met me there, saying in His still, small voice, "You're never alone, beloved, for I am here with you." His voice soothes and satiates me until the next time I feel alone, for it won't truly be satisfied until I'm with Him in eternity.
Encouragement for the week:
Ever feel alone? It's a natural, human response that we all go through from time to time.
How do you fill the loneliness? Is the solution lasting or fleeting?
If you are a Christian, you know how a dedicated life to God can be lonely sometimes but you also know that nothing truly satisfies like a deep, intimate relationship with God. He will fill you to overflowing and meet you in the times of feeling alone.
If you are not a Christian, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. He can fill the spaces of loneliness in ways the world never will. He is the 'something' your heart is longing for.