Rainbows And Lollipops

**Photography by Melissa Talbot**

Life isn't always rainbows and lollipops. Thanks, Captain Obvious. Okay, so it may not be, unless you are, literally, looking at a rainbow while rolling a lollipop around in your mouth. Otherwise, it's a saying that can hold a dim meaning for many, especially when it feels like you're being kicked while life has you down.

Like when you are trying to navigate your way through a relationship which, at times, can be comparable to walking through a minefield. The closer the relationship, the more complicated it can be. Some people think they are unlucky in love because they seem to find or attract the wrong kind of person. I used to feel that way a lot when I was younger but that was due to my lack of life experience and poor choices.

However, even though I am older and, hopefully, wiser it doesn't mean that my relationships today aren't less difficult. It's that there are better choices I can make when it comes to being in a relationship with depth, longevity, and less complications. Now, it's more about seeing the compatibility between myself and my mate and embracing the differences between us.

The differences can bring conflict, don't get me wrong. However, being with someone who is in the same stage of life as myself means the differences can be talked out at length, bringing a mutual understanding and acceptance of those differences. Which is far better than if we had met during our younger years.

I know exactly what I want out of life now too, which makes a sizable difference in how I view my life to come and whether or not having someone by my side would be beneficial. Of course, there is always the possibility that as times change, I'll change as well as my significant other, and the changes will completely alter the course of our relationship.

Much of life's understanding, as well as my own self-realization, has come as a result of finding my faith within a close relationship with God. It has been in knowing God that I have been able to understand my relationship better and strive to become the right person that God wants me to be. It doesn't make me perfect by any means, but each day I move a little bit closer to being the woman God created me to be and that brings me a lot of joy.

I want to be able to admit when I am wrong and apologize for it. To forgive quickly and sincerely when I have been hurt, unintentionally. To talk things out, trying to understand the varying perspectives and opinions of the man in my life. Overall, a healthy dose of patience and grace go a long way in making the most of what can be a challenging pairing.

So, even though you may think you are completely unlucky in love, let me tell you that luck has nothing to do with it. There are far too many factors involved in each relationship to single out one thing here or there as the root cause of the 'bad luck'. I think it's a maturing within ourselves and the ones we are choosing to date, that can bring some simplicity and understanding to any relationship.

I used to think that I started trying to know all there was to know about someone else in a relationship, including myself, at too young of an age. I still agree with that statement. Being older and having simplified my life has enabled me to go with the flow more easily, relaxing in the length of a relationship more, than years ago.

So, even though you still think that your luck has run out on finding that special someone...don't be so hard on yourself. Be patient, knowing that you are still growing and maturing as a person and, no, that won't happen overnight. Yet, with age and experience, you will quickly come to know what does and doesn't work for you when having a relationship with the opposite sex. Waiting until you know exactly what you want out of life and a partner can save you a lot of heartache.

I certainly wish that I could have waited until I was older to, wisely, try out relationships, but it didn't happen that way. I would have saved myself years of abuse, frustration, hurt, and self-deprecation if I had. However, what I have experienced helped me to see what really matters in this current stage of my life - God and loving people.

Encouragement for the week:

You're not alone when it comes to being unable to find the right person. All the dating sites on social media these days attest to that. Yet, taking your time to figure out who you are and what you want out of life, can be more beneficial than scrolling through profiles late at night.

If you are a Christian reading this, you know that God is jealous for you and desires all of your attention. He is the lover of your soul and knows exactly who you need in your life. Trust Him to bring the right person along at the right time, while you are becoming the right person.

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. He cares for you and where your life is headed. He wants the very best for you in every area of your life, including who you date and, eventually, marry. You can trust Jesus to help you make the right decisions when it comes to relationships.

Welcome To FAN...tasy Island!

**Photo courtesy of www.google.ca**

I have heard sayings like, "No man is an island....Every man is an island", but does that also apply to women? It's not so much that I am or am not an island, but rather would like to BE on an island...by myself...with none of the stress or annoyances that can often be found in everyday life. Yet, why is it when we have some time away, the vacation days go by so fast?

Work days certainly don't do that, not in my experience, anyway. Perhaps, that's because I have often found myself in situations where I disliked my job but that goes back to the basic principle of choice. You have a choice to find a really good job, maybe something different, that will challenge you in a different field or skill set.

Or you can go with your default 'setting' and choose a job that feels like you are being typecast into a role you don't necessarily want but the money's good. Kind of like Jennifer Aniston being the main character in a lot of romantic comedies. You end up going back to what you're good at instead of being radical and doing something that challenges you and makes you breathe air, deeply, into your lungs.

I want radical....I like radical. Not just because I get antsy in the same kind of job but because I'm getting older each day and the things I would really like to do keep passing me by unless I take the bull by the horns. Hence, my attraction to being on an island by myself. I want to try it. Maybe after I do it, the intrinsic and curious nature might rub off but I would still welcome the opportunity to try.

While doing crazy things like vacationing on an island sans other people might be a fantasy, there are a lot of things in my head that are not only plausible but doable, so why not do them? Yes, money might be a factor, but there are a lot of things that don't cost an arm and a leg to do. It just takes courage and a strong intestinal tract to do them...some of them.

In any case, I don't want to be known as a person who never tried something different because she never wanted to leave the house once she got home from work. As ridiculous as that sounds, it has happened at times, when I have had enough of the daily grind, noise, demands, and just want to hide and be left alone.

When we are overwhelmed, there is a hermit deep inside of us that screams and wants to hide from the world and our lives. Why not go on an African safari instead? After all, we are only limited by our imagination, aren't we? I've gone places in my life that I never thought I would go. I am hoping to continue that trend as long as I possibly can. I hope you are too. The only limitation standing in your way may very well be you. So, welcome yourself to fantasy island!

Encouragement for the week:

Why not do something radical? No, I'm not talking about something illegal, immoral, or unethical. More like something you are afraid to do or always wanted to do.

If you are a Christian reading this, you know that nothing is impossible with God if we believe. Step out and tell God your deepest and wildest dreams. You just never know where He will take you.

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. He is ready and wanting to take you on the kinds of adventures you have only dreamed of.

Cross Over

**Photography by Melissa Talbot**

Some of you may have noticed that I didn't publish a post last Monday. I escaped to a private retreat in the Rocky Mountains for a week. I had been feeling disconnected from myself and God for quite a while. The photo I took, above, was part of my escape and became a metaphor for my life.

It was a week of refreshment, introspection, and reviewing the 'clauses' of my life 'contract'. I needed to know if anything significant had changed in terms of what I desire for my life. Having a lot of time by myself confirmed that all of the deepest desires remained solid.

The things I wanted were still the case and meditating on those things brought a renewed fire and excitement to my heart. Yet, there was something seriously lacking - the cross over.

Why do I feel like the things I want to pursue can't truly be pursued? Perhaps, it's been through my own sabotage that prevents me from reaching the other side of the bridge. Telling myself just a bit longer, save a bit more money, hold on to the security.

The excuses, fears, and lack of resources (whether true or imagined), usually got me to half or three quarters of the way across. Then doubts of 'making it' would hound me, being convinced that it was not possible to truly pursue the things I wanted to pursue.

How many times do we self-sabotage when it comes to going after what burns in our gut, brings life to our spirits, and lights our eyes on fire? Too many times we talk ourselves out of something because it might be too hard. Isn't that what makes it worthwhile?

Shouldn't we throw caution to the wind, especially as believers, in trusting God completely for what we have already come to believe He desires we go after? Otherwise, why would the hunger and drive exist?

When I looked at the beginning of that bridge, it shocked me to see how much it represented my life. How many times I stopped going after something for one excuse or another. How I would be so close to achieving something big, only to turn back because the way ahead was hidden and unknown.

That's just too scary, isn't it? Yet, I can't help but hear the words from a book in the Bible called 2 Timothy. Timothy was a young believer, afraid to be open about the very desire that burned in him to pursue. His mentor/teacher Paul, would build up and encourage Timothy in the tough times.

One such time is found in this small book named for the young Jesus follower in chapter 1, verse 7 which says, "For God did not give you a spirit of timidity; but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." This instruction hits me between the eyes every time I read it.

I'm not meant to cower from my desires or that which gives a strong compulsion to go after. I am meant to cross over to the other side of that daunting, old, intimidating life bridge. So are you.

Encouragement for the week:

What stops you from going after your desires? It's time to stare down and get rid of the excuses stopping you.

If you are a Christian reading this, you were not given fear when you became a believer. All the power Jesus had, was given to you when you made the decision in your heart to live for Him. Cross over the bridge.

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. The fears and doubts in your life will be small compared to the power of Jesus as part of a relationship with Him.

Me, Me, Meeeeee!

**Photo courtesy of www.google.ca**

When I first became a Christian, it was no longer about me. I wanted to live, fully, for the one who had just changed my life in ways I never thought possible. The tremendous joy, peace, and unconditional love had me wanting more while doing away, completely, of myself. There wasn't much good that was worth keeping.

However, as time went on and the newness of my salvation wore off, it seems there was still a lot of the old 'me' left over and it wanted to shine, once again. I started living more and more for myself. Wanting what I wanted and doing whatever I wanted to do, whenever. That's usually a recipe for disaster and it was. The level of my selfishness appeared to be no better now than before my life changed.

I've been a Christian, now, for almost eleven years and I have had my ups and downs. That's typically how it goes when you are still dealing with the person you used to be while, genuinely, welcoming Jesus into your life and heart to do an 'extreme makeover' as it were. No matter what, you are always battling against the old you. I guess there is no real preparation for the battle. It is something that has to be worked out over time.

It feels like there is more battle than ease. Trying not to do things that I really don't want to do can be a challenge. Especially, when I enter into a mindset of just wanting to be and not face the real world with all its obstacles and hardships. Makes me sound a bit like a wuss or a child. I can be and have been, both.

However, being the old 'me' does cause certain behaviors that I really dislike. Sometimes, words can be said and actions done to portray what is in my heart and mind, without much of a filter before releasing them. I can say an unkind word or be critical of someone without truly wanting it to come out that way, but realizing that the person already perceived and received it as negative. I, recently, had a realization that I was being critical with a person I shouldn't have. I felt bad and made amends to them.

It's a challenge not to be hard on myself while trying to keep in mind that I am a work in progress and that things will get better as I come closer to God each day. As diligent as I try, compromise of character and behaviors slip in without hitting my internal radar. It's disheartening, especially if I have hurt others without intending to do so.

One of the good things about being in a relationship with God is that I don't have to try and fix the compromises on my own because I know I can't. Only God can make the changes that will last. So, it's up to me to recognize that I have compromised something I shouldn't have and, with the help of the Holy Spirit (an internal compass for good), take it all to God in prayer. Asking Him to change everything in me that doesn't belong and helping me to see things through, while the change takes place, makes all the difference. Change isn't always instantaneous and it takes work to go against the natural want to do my own thing and have my way.

Yet, when I keep praying and things start to change in me or my circumstances, it's like my whole self is breathing a sigh of relief at what was really needed. It's almost like climbing a rugged and steep mountain then reaching the top to find that the other side is so much better than where I started. It's hard work to change but the work is worth it when it's done, and living an uncompromising life helps me sleep at night.

Encouragement for the week:

Is there something in your life you keep making allowances for? Does it bother you to the point that you lose precious sleep at night?

If you are a Christian reading this, you know that we are meant to be Christ-like and change won't always happen overnight. Persevere in praying to God for change to happen in you, and the freedom you find in becoming more like Jesus, will be like breathing the freshest air.

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. He wants to help you make healthy changes in you and your life.