Me, Me, Meeeeee!

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When I first became a Christian, it was no longer about me. I wanted to live, fully, for the one who had just changed my life in ways I never thought possible. The tremendous joy, peace, and unconditional love had me wanting more while doing away, completely, of myself. There wasn't much good that was worth keeping.

However, as time went on and the newness of my salvation wore off, it seems there was still a lot of the old 'me' left over and it wanted to shine, once again. I started living more and more for myself. Wanting what I wanted and doing whatever I wanted to do, whenever. That's usually a recipe for disaster and it was. The level of my selfishness appeared to be no better now than before my life changed.

I've been a Christian, now, for almost eleven years and I have had my ups and downs. That's typically how it goes when you are still dealing with the person you used to be while, genuinely, welcoming Jesus into your life and heart to do an 'extreme makeover' as it were. No matter what, you are always battling against the old you. I guess there is no real preparation for the battle. It is something that has to be worked out over time.

It feels like there is more battle than ease. Trying not to do things that I really don't want to do can be a challenge. Especially, when I enter into a mindset of just wanting to be and not face the real world with all its obstacles and hardships. Makes me sound a bit like a wuss or a child. I can be and have been, both.

However, being the old 'me' does cause certain behaviors that I really dislike. Sometimes, words can be said and actions done to portray what is in my heart and mind, without much of a filter before releasing them. I can say an unkind word or be critical of someone without truly wanting it to come out that way, but realizing that the person already perceived and received it as negative. I, recently, had a realization that I was being critical with a person I shouldn't have. I felt bad and made amends to them.

It's a challenge not to be hard on myself while trying to keep in mind that I am a work in progress and that things will get better as I come closer to God each day. As diligent as I try, compromise of character and behaviors slip in without hitting my internal radar. It's disheartening, especially if I have hurt others without intending to do so.

One of the good things about being in a relationship with God is that I don't have to try and fix the compromises on my own because I know I can't. Only God can make the changes that will last. So, it's up to me to recognize that I have compromised something I shouldn't have and, with the help of the Holy Spirit (an internal compass for good), take it all to God in prayer. Asking Him to change everything in me that doesn't belong and helping me to see things through, while the change takes place, makes all the difference. Change isn't always instantaneous and it takes work to go against the natural want to do my own thing and have my way.

Yet, when I keep praying and things start to change in me or my circumstances, it's like my whole self is breathing a sigh of relief at what was really needed. It's almost like climbing a rugged and steep mountain then reaching the top to find that the other side is so much better than where I started. It's hard work to change but the work is worth it when it's done, and living an uncompromising life helps me sleep at night.

Encouragement for the week:

Is there something in your life you keep making allowances for? Does it bother you to the point that you lose precious sleep at night?

If you are a Christian reading this, you know that we are meant to be Christ-like and change won't always happen overnight. Persevere in praying to God for change to happen in you, and the freedom you find in becoming more like Jesus, will be like breathing the freshest air.

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. He wants to help you make healthy changes in you and your life.