It's A Wild Ride

Ever been on a roller coaster? It's exhilarating, scary, and at times challenging (only because you're trying your best not to throw up). Well, following God has presented similarities to that of a roller coaster...at least it has for me.

Since I answered God's call of my name five and a half short years ago, this journey I have been on with Him has been nothing short of a wild roller coaster ride (minus the possibility of throwing up). LOL

I've experienced exhilaration, excitement, fear, doubt, difficulty, peace, and freedom. Yes, freedom. A freedom that I have NEVER experienced ever before in my life and the closer I walk with God, the tighter He holds me and the more free I feel.

I recently experienced a sharp turn on my roller coaster ride with the Lord early last month, July 4 to be exact. It all began with a dream, a prophetic dream from God. It was very vivid and very clear and when I woke up from that dream I just KNEW within my being that it was from God. In fact, as soon as I woke up the outstanding indicator telling me it was from God was the unsurpassing peace I had.

But as humans we kinda look for more, even humans who follow God closely. So, like Gideon, I prayed for the Lord to confirm this message I received from Him in the dream which by the way was a very detailed dream of me resigning from the administrative position I held with a small oil and gas company. The very same position God had brought me eight months earlier.

Having taken the unsurpassing peace I received upon waking from the dream as my first confirmation from the Lord, I prayed for a second confirmation from Him through His Word, His living and infallible Word. It wasn't long after I prayed that prayer that the word 'resignation' appeared in the message of a devotional based on a piece of Scripture from the Word of God.

Feeling more human than normal, I'm guessing, I came to the Lord again, much like Gideon...again, and I prayed for the Lord to confirm it one last time. I prayed that God would confirm His call to me through the Holy Spirit that resided within me. That He would speak loudly, clearly, and deeply to my spirit through the power of the Holy Spirit, telling me that it was, indeed, His will that I resign. That His words would resonate throughout my entire being so much so that it would be impossible to ignore what He was telling me. I was pressing God more than usual because I really didn't want to resign. I REALLY liked my job! I had a fantastic boss and the greatest work environment I could ever hope for!!

Well, it wasn't ten minutes after I had prayed that prayer that my ENTIRE being became filled with one word, 'RESIGN'. Yep, capital letters and all started to resonate in my heart, mind, and spirit. There was no ignoring it or misunderstanding what God was telling me. Yikes! So I swallowed hard and said, "Okay, Lord, that is what I will do." So I continued to pray and then typed my letter of resignation and tendered it to my boss on July 9.

The only thing is that while God was calling me to do this, He wasn't telling me what was coming next and I had never experienced that before in my walk with Him. So, perhaps, you can see why I hesitated and prayed for God to confirm this so many times.

But I did it and my departure, while met with sadness, was also met with excitement for what lay ahead, which I had no idea what that was. My last day was August 3 and this then segued into a week's vacation at one of my favorite B&B spots in Alberta.

Three weeks prior to my last day, however, I was sent to Nova Scotia on business for one week and while there, God blessed me in ways I never anticipated. One such blessing came on the full weekend I had in the province. I decided to travel to the coast and find a little hideaway that would allow me respite along with some time peering out at the Atlantic Ocean. I found such a place on Big Island in Merigomish, Nova Scotia. As I got settled in this B&B I had found, I sat on my bed and peered out of one of the windows in my room. Directly in my line of sight was an apple tree and in moments I saw a picture of myself sitting under that apple tree with Jesus. Not only that but with the picture came one word, 'FREE'. Yes, that word was in capital letters as well. LOL

That brought to my mind the great truths of God's Word that I was free in Christ and in the salvation that I had accepted when I let Him into my heart. Free to be the woman God had saved to be transformed into who He always intended me to be. However, since God spoke that word to me weeks ago, it's been spoken to me every single day since then and I couldn't ignore the fact that I felt as though there was something more to that word. It was during my final week of work that God began to reveal to me the deeper meaning behind the word He gave me in Nova Scotia.

That not only did I have that eternal freedom in Christ but that God was now giving me the freedom to choose...choose what was to come next in my life. The freedom to come before Him and pray for the very longings and desires so deeply held in my heart that I dreamed so many times would come next. The deepest held? Marriage. Others? Relationships...that with my son, my family, my friends. This revelation was a mind blower, I must admit. I had never felt more apprehensive, humbled, and blessed to have received what God was now telling me. This really encompassed everything within the single, solitary word that God had spoken to me, whispered to my heart in His still, small voice in that B&B in that sleepy town of Merigomish, Nova Scotia.

Not only was God pouring out this freedom to choose to me but He was also telling me to do so boldly, fearlessly, and specifically. How can this be?? Can I be trusted with all of this? Would God have spoken all of this to me if He didn't trust me? Was it all a direct result of me trusting in Him all these years? Even with all the questions came the peace, that unsurpassing peace again, like with the dream that started all of this. Bringing to end one chapter of my life and beginning another filled with uncertainty but surely a great freedom that God ordained for me.

After completing my final day of work, I packed up and headed to my B&B vacation in the country where I knew I would find refreshment, blessing, and a closeness with God I couldn't quite get in the city. Each day was a fountain of God's blessings on me including words, songs, Scripture verses, and extraordinary experiences with nature. Prayers were answered daily as God spoke words to me that I had come to know well from Him. Those words being 'FREE', 'WAIT', and 'BLESS'. It was just a wonderful time to be and to enjoy all that God had for me there.

It was much like a walk down memory lane and God was my tour guide. Speaking to me of all the things that He had done in my life and in me in the past year. My time in Costa Rica and the extraordinary life changes that occured during my five months there. The purposes He had revealed to me and all the memories of His daily faithfulness. And I can't leave out the many affirmations, confirmations, and reassurances that He had for me each day. What an incredible week and a symphony I didn't want to stop hearing or experiencing. I can't begin to explain how difficult it was to leave that and make my way back here to city life, but I did it as reluctantly as possible. LOL

After being back a couple days, it's been an adjustment but God has been faithful and has already brought me work! After spending time with a sister in Christ in fellowship and prayer yesterday morning, God began to speak to me the moment I got in my car to leave. The word He initially spoke to me and the message to follow was unmistakable...'Prayer'. God then said to me, "I want you to work for me, to be in prayer for me. I want you to fulfill one of my purposes for you and be the prayer warrior I always intended you to be."

It was hard to miss the excitement that immediately bubbled within my heart and spirit when I heard that. Then the excitement quickly gave way to humility and an awe I had never encountered before. God is calling me to work for Him??! The Creator of the universe is recruiting ME!!!?? Wha??? How could I possibly say no!!??

It's not your typical day job..at least it's not a job which the world recognizes as being one of great value or that it holds in high esteem because you don't get paid to do it. But, for me, the rewards far outweigh the fact that I won't get paid to do what God has called and chosen me to do during this time in my life. In fact, it's directly in line with the freedom God has given me for what comes next in my life.

So, for a time, I will work for the greatest boss in the universe, 24/7 if He wants me to, and sink into the joy and desire of praying that God has set so deeply in my heart not only for myself and for those around me who I know well but for those who I don't know at all but who God loves with a never ending love.

While I love to pray for others, and welcome your prayer requests should you have any, I was wondering if you could pray for me? That I would be able to further wait patiently for God to bring me the desires of my heart, namely marriage, while I partake in one of the greatest jobs I can think of right now....praying and interceding on the behalf of others.

Thank you for your continued interest and support of this ever changing and always crazy journey I'm on with God. I wouldn't have it any other way. :D

God bless you all!!!!

Lines Of Time

Hard to believe it’s been 6 months since I came back from Costa Rica! And while I recognize it’s been that long I am also aware that it’s been several months since my last blog entry! So, apologies to all of you who, faithfully, check and follow my blog. I should really keep up with things better. I guess part of my procrastination comes from not that much happening in my life….well, nothing earth shattering anyway. :D Therefore, in an effort to get you caught up on what’s been happening in my life and to avoid being overly verbose (wordy) while doing it, I thought I would provide a timeline of dates and events that have marked the past 6 months. I’ll keep it as short and sweet as possible. :D November 20, 2011 – I return to my home country of Canada and to my home in Calgary, Alberta. This was a prompting from God to return a full month earlier than I was originally ticketed to return. November 22, 2011 – God speaks loudly and clearly of His next mission and country for me…CUBA!! December 2011 – Early January 2012 – Time spent with family in Saskatchewan while resting and recovering from CR as well as processing and sharing all the incredible and life changing things God did in Costa Rica! This included God revealing His purposes for me: Prayer Warrior, Spiritual Mother/Mentor, and Leader. This time of rest and respite also allowed me to seek God’s heart for Cuba and to purchase a bilingual Bible. January 16, 2012 – Began a full time job in downtown Calgary working for a small oil and gas exploration company. January 29, 2012 – Gave a presentation to my home church of my time in Costa Rica and with YWAM. February 2012 – God opened a door for me to pursue an opportunity to go to Cuba through YWAM involving me joining a team from the Cartagena, Colombia base for their outreach phase. March 2012 – It’s been over a month since the Cuba opportunity came without further correspondence. Mid-March 2012 – Found a place to live!!! A 20 minute walk to work, located just outside of downtown! Woo hoo!! Late March 2012 – The door I thought God was opening, widely, for me to go to Cuba closed but God, in His faithfulness, opened a subsequent door to partner with my home church and come alongside to encourage and be a prayer warrior for several of the female youth leaders of the church!! April 2012 – In spite of not fully understanding the ‘why’s’ behind Cuba not working out, I walk forward in preparing to move into my own place on May 1 and just keep trusting in God’s timing and way in my life. April 23, 2012 – God places a strong desire on my heart to start a prayer journal. With each person or situation God gives me to pray for, I remain obedient to Him in sending notes to those I pray for. To let them know that God hears them and that He will answer!!! May 1, 2012 – Move in to my own place!!! It’s a small space but it works for me!! :D My parents come to visit and hang out as well as go to service at my home church with me the day before they leave. Present – Still working full time, living in my place, waiting on God……OH, waiting on God….STILL…LONGER!!! *sigh* But, waiting as patiently as possible and finally, after many years, I am able to live in the moment and be in the here and now and really focus on what God wants me to do and be for Him. Praise point: After many years of praying, I find that I have joy and contentment in all situations and every circumstance….well, for the most part. :D I’m still human, after all. Hee hee My relationship with Jesus has become closer and more intimate in these past months, more so recently, with Him showing me how He sees me. As His child, bride, lover, and wife I have come to embrace all the things He sees in me and shows me in my daily surrendered walk with Him. While the blessings have been many, I have also encountered many spiritual attacks as I walk closer to God and begin to fulfill His many purposes that He has for me. But I continue to trust in God and be encouraged by His words to me in Exodus 14:14 – “The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.” I’ve come to rely on His strength and protection in times of great battle from the enemy. Praise God, for He is faithful!! The Lord also continues to guide me and He speaks to me of things He desires to do in me and through me, to which I surrender. For it is my heart’s desire to become the woman He always intended me to become and allow Him to refine me, any way He sees fit, for what He has prepared for me to do. See, pretty short and sweet! But, never fear, there is more to come as my next blogs will be more on a reflective note as I live life day to day and continue to trust, believe, and love God! I know that everything will come according to His time and His way. God bless you all for your faithfulness and for your words of encouragement and prayer upon me and my life!

Introspection...

Is defined as the, ‘Contemplation of one’s own thoughts, feelings, and sensations; self-examination; heart-searching.’

As I daily live out this life of following God and surrendering to what God wishes to do in and through me, as well as remaining physically ready for whatever comes next, there exists a common denominator within me. One that has caused me great introspection throughout this faith walk. I suspect it will keep resonating within me until the denominator is quenched once and for all…but can it? The denominator I speak of is feeling alone.

I have often found myself standing in the midst of people, even chaos, and being unable to deny the unmistakable gnawing of feeling so alone. “But you are not alone, my Child,” God says. “I know I’m not totally alone God for I have You.” I reply. “But I really do feel alone, Lord.” I add.

I can’t seem to explain or describe my ‘aloneness’ to properly match the dynamics of what that feeling stirs within me. Quite often I have to be content to feel alone and move forward while questions of, “Will I ever stop feeling like a foreigner in a strange land? Will I ever stop feeling so alone?” make a mess of my already perplexed mind.

So my heart-searching plays on at times, especially if my mind is not otherwise distracted. I never thought following God this closely would be like this. I’ve experienced great and tragic things while following my Savior closely over these past years. Hard to believe that May of this year will mark 5 years since I was saved…saved from literal death and from the downward spiral I so thought provokingly devised to follow. God had something else in mind…greatness, purpose, direction. Those are not small things to balk at but it doesn’t mean that coming into those things did not come at a price. Some of the greatest blessings from God came at a great price but I can honestly say that every single one of those sacrifices that I made to step deeper into His presence were worth it.

They say, “Don’t have any regrets.” Before God got a hold of me, I lived a smeared and dirty life filled with regrets. Regrets for all the horrible things I did and how unworthy those horrible things made me feel about myself. Then God said my name and all of that changed in an instant and I felt the hand of God release me from every regret and sinful deed and I was freed. Now I live a life knowing I will never have regrets because when my heart is impressed to help someone, I’ll help. When I’m prompted to tell someone I care or that I love them, I will do the same. Just because I feel alone, doesn’t mean I can’t extend a word of encouragement to someone else who might be feeling the same.

We all long to be loved and cared for and our hearts really do cry out for God but so many don’t realize that it’s a cry for God to fill their lives with everything that He has for them. I often cry out to God from my heart for all the desires that are housed there. But God's best takes time and that means I must wait. Waiting is hard but losing out on God's best for me is going to be much harder. So I have to wait and I have to be patient. LOL I can barely type that word without laughing out loud for I am not the most patient woman but my many experiences with God have, well, stretched me to grow into an easier state of being patient when I need to be...or maybe when He needs me to be. :D

As long as I have known God, intimately, I know He has a sense of humor. I can’t always say that it’s the kind of humor that I can truly appreciate but it does make Him easier to relate to. He knows my inner hurts and needs and He is always working to bring about fulfillment of the many purposes He has had in mind for me before I came to be. In turn, I know the commitment I have made to Him because of wanting His very best for me. I’ve experienced too much of His best to NOT want it all the time in every area of my life.

As for my aloneness? Well, someone reminded me of how alone Paul must have felt…doing God’s will and being heavily persecuted for doing so. So much that he only had a few good friends who stood by him as he ran the race marked out for him by God. To bring the good news to those who needed it the most even though Paul knew he would be tortured for it. My heart goes out to Paul, but it was as though his dedication to God always seemed to mask that aloneness and he just kept going.

In my own experience, every time I've been met with this feeling of being alone, God has always met me there, saying in His still small voice, "You're never alone, beloved, for I am here with you." His voice soothes and satiates me until the next time I feel alone for it won't truly be satiated until I'm with Him for eternity.

Until then, I hold on to the lyrics from one of my favorite songs that speaks directly to my aloneness. It's 'Here With Me' by MercyMe.

I long for your embrace
Every single day
To meet you in this place
And see you face to face

Will you show me?
Reveal yourself to me
Because of your mercy
I fall down on my knees

And I can feel your presence here with me
Suddenly I'm lost within your beauty
Caught up in the wonder of your touch
Here in this moment I surrender to your love

You're everywhere I go
I am not alone
You call me as your own
To know you and be known

You are holy
And I fall down on my knees

I can feel your presence here with me
Suddenly I'm lost within your beauty
Caught up in the wonder of your touch
Here in this moment I surrender to your love

I surrender to your grace
I surrender to the one who took my place

I can feel your presence here with me
Suddenly I'm lost within your beauty
Caught up in the wonder of your touch
Here in this moment I surrender:

I can feel your presence here with me
Suddenly I'm lost within your beauty
Caught up in the wonder of your touch
Here in this moment I surrender to your love

The Next Chapter

Having finished the 'kiros' of Costa Rica and successfully graduating from the Discipleship Training School, it didn't take long for God to reveal the next steps He had in mind for me once I returned to the familiar and welcome comforts of my home in Canada (November 20, 2011). In fact, it was within the first week of my return that God began impressing upon my heart the next country He wants me to go....Cuba!! That's all He gave me, a new country but no indication as to the 'why's' or 'what for's', just a destination.

Meanwhile, I settled back into 'normal' life and took some much needed time for rest and processing at my parent's place for the month of December 2011 and part of January 2012. It was there that God further impressed His next steps along with a prompting to buy a Spanish-English Bible. So when I returned to my home in Calgary, Alberta, I quickly ordered the Bible and waited on God to further direct me.

While I was seeking God, I was also sharing this news with others including the pastors of my home church and with friends and family. I just didn't know the particulars behind going. But it doesn't matter to me in the least for I know that if God calls me to go somewhere, He'll be there with me and provide for me in every single way. The many unknowns behind why I'm going and what I'll be doing don't really phase me, it just excites me as I know there will be something incredible that comes out of this next chapter....just like incredible things came out of my seemingly inconspicuous first trip to Costa Rica last year with Samaritan's Purse in distributing shoeboxes to kids in the province of Alajuela, Costa Rica.

So, in speaking with my pastor and his wife, they formulated a game plan of not only getting my experiences and adventures out to members of my home church but also to come alongside me in prayer on the newest revelations from God. One element of this game plan came as an opportunity and privilege, on my part, to share my time in Costa Rica with my home church. So, on January 29, 2012, I hosted a luncheon which included a presentation of some of the things I was a part of (including the movements of God) while in the country of Costa Rica. You can take a look at the presentation on my Facebook page if you are on Facebook or receive it when I email it to others who may not be on Facebook.

Unfortunately, there are no notes that go with each slide because I ad libbed everything I said. The slides were purely a prompt to what I would say next. :D Sorry....you really had to be there to get the full effect of my excitement in sharing with everyone. So have a look and enjoy!

I'll be including more details and updates about Cuba and what my time there might look like in the coming weeks. So stay tuned!!!!! :D

Aside from that I continue to pursue God and His ways for me while I wait for Him in many areas of my life. I surrender to Him daily and what He may want to do in me and through me and how He might want me to minister to others and share Him with them. So far it's been mindblowing for me how God sees me to be effective for Him in the kingdom and how much He DOES want to use me no matter what kind of day I might be having! There are times when I just have to unplug from the world and plug IN to the Lord. Whether that's through prayer, reading His Word or simply listening to some powerful worship music....God is my inspiration that brings me back on track and I fall more deeply into Him each time. :D

At times I can't help reflecting on how much easier life was when I was in Costa Rica....being surrounded by God 24/7 whether it was through people, surroundings or circumstances. I was in this bubble with God and it was the best for me but I also knew what would come after DTS, the return to reality and real life. To go swimming without my life preserver (God) in a way and just keep my eyes on God who would always swim slowly ahead of me, watching every movement of the waters to filter out anything that would harm or distract me.

He does that daily, saving me from myself at times and what can become ridiculous distractions but distractions, nonetheless. God saves me and firmly holds me in His hand while He pours His love, mercy and grace upon me like a warm shower. All I do is stand there and sigh under the weightless pressure of the water as it rains down on me. How great and merciful He is and how faithful He is to everything He has promised me!! I, like many others, believe this year 2012 to be one of great change not only personally but also for the world. I just keep looking to God for so many things and know that He'll answer in great ways....mindblowing ways!

Stay tuned for more later! :D