Woman vs Food

I'm here in the booming metropolis of Tuxford, Saskatchewan where I have been told lives a well reputed woman of all things dessert. I've travelled here to face my next appetizing adversary that awaits me. Only one question remains to be answered, will it be woman or food that prevails?? I have been warned that this faceoff is NOT for the faint of heart but I feel confident and am ready to take on this daunting task.

The challenge??? 3 pounds of mouthwatering pecan pie madness!!!!
The place??? Mom's kitchen.



I take my place at the table with glass of water in hand in preparation for the sugar rush that has my name written ALL over it! My mind starts to fill with doubt..."Will the sugar rush be too much? Will an insulin induced coma be inevitable? Will the bulk of the mountain of pecans seal my fate?" I turn away from my nervous questions and say, "NO!", I will not bow down to this sugary serpent!! I will be victorious!!! I'm ready...can I get a countdown!! *crowd counts down from 3...2...1!!!*

I know that it will be critical for me to pace myself and be sure to take in frequent sips of water to balance the large quantities of sugar that I am ingesting. So far, so good as I make my way through the first quarter of the pie. I only have 20 minutes to take down this beast and have easily skated through the first quarter in three and a half minutes! I'm feeling strong and confident as I continue on.

Moments later....Ugh, I'm starting to feel the rush of all this sugar and my stomach is making groaning noises indicating its discomfort with this sugary storm.



Can anyone out there help me with the last piece??? PSYCHE!!!! I will NOT bow down to this delectible demon!!! I WILL OVERCOME!!! *deep breathing* Must...finish...last...piece...must...not...let...it...defeat...me.
Need...strength....must...continue...must...not...be...defeated...by...a...pie.




YES!!! YES!!! *crowd goes wild* In 19 minutes and 23 seconds, I've done it! I've done it!! Just when they said it could not be done, I have proven them WRONG!!! Woman has conquered food!! As with every other food challenge, this girl emerges victorious, once again!!! *cheering and clapping* Now all that awaits me is the eventual crash once the sugar has finished coursing through my bloodstream.

And so I say goodbye to this sleepy little town in search of my next woman vs food challenge! No telling where my tastebuds will take me to next.... :D