It's a Process

**Photo taken by Melissa Talbot**

Life, itself, is a process. You grow, experience, and change in line with what life brings your way which can be challenging, frustrating, and heartbreaking. Resilience through those things, to persevere and overcome, can make all the difference.

I used to think that as you got older, life would get easier. As a woman in my forties, while knowing what I want and don't want has been valuable at this season in my life, it's been anything but easy.

Especially when I took the step into book writing. I fell into my passion for writing in 2016 and never looked back. I knew it was something I was meant to do. 

However, nothing could have prepared me for what lay in the process of putting my life onto paper. More specifically, how profound the journey would be.

Writing about something I determined to leave behind was far more unnerving than anticipated. Revisiting dark times filled with addictions and abuses was a bit more than I bargained for, or was it?

I firmly believe that God not only placed this passion in my heart to put 'pen to paper', but that He wanted it to count by helping others. 

I already knew that would mean complete exposure in a real and vulnerable way. So be it. While I might be hesitant to bare it all, it's those years of destruction and heartbreak that compel me to keep going. 

My past is not my present. It does not dictate who I am today. It does reveal clues as to why things happened the way they did for a significant number of years. This is hard. It's exhausting. 

My past messes with my head and makes me question the present. What comes into my mind doesn't reflect my true self so I flick it out and power down my computer for the day. Until next time.

This Is It

It's time. Time to smile at and wave good bye to the commitment I will be fulfilling at the end of this week - mat leave cover for one year - and take hold of my passion for writing. Time to give my dreams wings. To turn my back on doubt so that this relentless determination can become real, bold and vulnerable.

It's all or nothing as I make way for the next season - Chameleon. A book about some of the darkest years of my life. A time without peace, joy or hope. A journey of abuse, addictions and self-destruction that almost took my life.

Yet, I made it through and it is my hope that my painful account will help others avoid what I didn't. And for those who were unable to steer clear of things, it will be an encouragement that life holds something more than hurt. My story is intense, eye-opening and heartbreaking.

No regrets. No looking back. I'm all in to travel a road that holds an unknown outcome, yet is forged by someone who knows every outcome. Therefore, I'm not afraid or intimidated by what lies ahead.

Instead, I'm buckling up for this wild ride and greeting adventure with a kiss as I holler, "Giddy-up!"

Check in for posts about my writing journey along the way and a sneak peak of my book cover. Then stay tuned for my work to make its debut this spring/summer.

Keep It To Yourself

**Photo of my grandpa's boat shored at Big River, 

Saskatchewan, during a fishing trip in 1984.**

'Mind your own business', 'Bite your lip', 'Don't rock the boat', 'Keep your opinions to yourself'. These are just some of the sayings that we will hear when a viewpoint isn't welcome, prior to it being shared in a group.

But, what if the words you're about to say didn't make up an opinion but a perspective born from years lived and wisdom learned? What if your words were filled with love and concern, expressed through dialogue?

While many, particularly young people, might balk at the mention of the words, "In my experience...", there is something to be said for a timely insertion of well intentioned quips.

Especially if the person wanting to speak up has felt a deep concern and conviction for the person who they see as heading in an unsavory direction. A person you are close to and deeply love.

While the words might come easily and your audience might be rolling their eyes, you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you need to say what's on your heart or risk regret. I have had many situations like that.

Yet, as difficult as it may be to say what you desire to say, you take the risk and express your thoughts as gently and loving as possible. Whether the other party will receive it all in kind is unknown, but your conscience is clear and your heart less burdened.

When you have the opportunity to speak wisdom into the life of someone who may be heading down a road you've been down - knowing the outcome - do it. Love should trump the fear of going against the 'norm' of keeping it to yourself.

Jesus was a man who never kept things to Himself. He always shared the wisdom He had accumulated over His short life from His Father. That wisdom always paid dividends to those who battled with sin - in every form.

If Christ had the courage and conviction to speak out because of His love for others, why not us? Whether it means being disliked or rejected, you never know when what you have to say, might just help the life of another.

Encouragement for the week:

Saying something urgent that's on your heart isn't wrong when it's out of love that you say it. It means you care enough about someone to risk backlash from others.

If you are a Christian reading this, you know that one thing God created you to obtain is wisdom. A wisdom that is well exercised and expressed when given the opportunity to help others. Don't let others shame you out of making a possible difference in a loved ones' life for the better.

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. A relationship with Christ will enable you to gather the wisdom you wish you always had. You are gleaning it from the One who wants the best for your life. You can trust Jesus.

The Reason For This Season

In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) And everyone went to his own town to register.

So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child.

While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."

Suddenly, a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."

When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about."

So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them.

But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

Encouragement for the week of Christmas:

If you have never heard this story before, the above is a recount of what was seen and heard at the time of the birth of Jesus Christ from the book of Luke (Chapter 2) in the Bible.

Jesus is the reason for this season, for He came to save you and me so that we may know the joy, hope, and peace that can only be found in the saving grace of Jesus Christ.

You can ask Him into your heart today to know and have the security of His unconditional love and full acceptance of who you are, just as you are.

You can trust Jesus, who came as a babe, and died as a man on a Cross for you. You can trust Him today.

Elementary, My Dear Watson!

**The middle school I attended in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan**

A lot of activity went down in the hallowed halls of this school. Many a school crush of mine was trampled under the feet of uninterested boys. In spite of the letters I wrote to many declaring my strong infatuation, alas, my sentiments were never returned.

When you're a hormonal and emotionally challenged teen, even the slightest hint of rejection can set you on a course to self-doubt. Plus the fact that the mind is always forming and changing, causing brain chemistry and hormones to become a roller coaster ride, making life crazy.

It did for me, anyway, and I often felt like an outcast. Trying to fit in and be a part of something...anything in school life, seemed to be critical. Each move someone took was dissected over bagged lunches and recess wandering.

Cliques had a way of developing fast and changes to those cliques, even faster. You never knew from day to day if you were the ally or the enemy. Those were some of the weirdest years of my life.

Alliances were established by the kind of lip gloss one happened to stumble upon from a commercial they saw or another strolling in with the latest style of jeans. No wonder most kids were dazed and confused throughout their academia career. I know I was.

While those may have been the formative years, I'm glad they weren't the deciding factor in whether or not I am accepted today. That no matter what style of boot I may don or the brand of bag I carry, those hold nothing to what I, hope, I've developed in character.

That in spite of the cruel and crass school days, it's with an elementary simplicity that, today, I ensure I'm a woman of character who will welcome and love those who feel left out. To not judge someone because of their attitude, for you don't know what's happening behind the scenes of their life.

As we come closer to the reason behind this season, Jesus Christ, may our looks be loving, our hands extending, and our hearts ever welcoming to whoever we encounter. Let our love and joy be evident to those who long to be accepted.

Encouragement for the week:

As it gets closer to Christmas, my friend, may you know that I love and accept you for exactly who you are. Just as Jesus Christ loves and accepts you.

If you are a Christian reading this, you know that you are accepted unconditionally by your Father in heaven. May that be a strong principal you shine onto others.

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. You need to know that Christ died so that you could know His unconditional acceptance and love for you, no matter what. His sacrifice for you was real and you can trust Him.

Awkward!

**My Grade 4 school photo.**

There comes a time in many people's lives when awkwardness sets in. Whether in action, speech or appearance, our peculiarities emerge. While we may not have been able to pinpoint the moment in which we became artless, mine happened around the time of entering Grade 4.

The distinct bowl-shaped bangs and thick man brows that graced my face, were obvious and less than flattering. Not exactly a portrait of my younger and, certainly, more attractive years.

You might be thinking that the description I just presented of myself is a wee bit deprecating in nature. On the contrary. It's simply a retrospect of what my mind captured as I zoomed in to take the picture for this post, not a true reflection of how I see myself today.

The interesting thing about me now is that even though I can point out the apparent deficiencies of my looks back then, I can confidently say that I grew out of my awkwardness eventually. Just as we all have and will, even though we fail to realize an important reality.

What we conceived to be embarrassing or unbecoming of ourselves was as a result of a frame of reference having been formed by something or someone, at some time. We believed it and lived life based on that inaccurate depiction.

So, let me speak a truth to you that no one else but Jesus will tell you. And it's a truth that many people will reject because our world is so overbearing and unapologetic when voicing its opinion of you. Let me help you form a new frame of reference.

One of many mentions of this truth can be found in the Bible, within a book called Song of Songs. I believe it is God's love letter to His children. Within the fourth chapter, it declares my truth to you as this, "All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you." (Verse 7 - replace beautiful with handsome and this applies to all you fellas too)

As blundering or self-conscious you may perceive yourself to be, it's not accurate. It's not the truth. Not only were you created, but you were beautiful before you were ever born. That beauty never has or ever will, stop. Don't let the world make you buy into its skewed truth. In God's eyes I know I am flawless and so are you.

Encouragement for the week:

Beloved, there is no truth in what the messed up world tries to feed you. You are beautiful.

If you are a Christian reading this, you know that God is perfect, therefore, He makes no imperfect thing. That's where you came in. Remember that there is no junk in the kingdom of God. Wear your beauty with grace and confidence.

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. He has made all things beautiful, that means you. Open your heart to Jesus today, friend, and you can know and live the confidence of your beauty.

Looking Back

**Christmas of 1981, at nine years old. **

Ten little fingers, ten little toes;
that's how I entered the world.

You welcomed me straight into your arms;
No questions asked, love opened wide.

You coddled and kissed;
No moment you missed.
A little one now looked to you to lead.

The parties, the pictures;
All special occasions captured on film.

This precious girl you looked at with joy;
Your dreams and hopes to come alive.

My life didn't always flow as planned;
There were hurts and scrapes along the way.

Never did you leave my side;
Or cease your daily prayers.

That I would be all that I could;
With your instruction and discipline.

At times I rebelled;
But you never faltered in teaching me goodness.

Respecting others, working hard;
You helped build my strong foundation.

Using manners and being honest;
You modeled before my eyes.

Even though I was too young to appreciate your efforts;
It was never lost as I aged.

Right now, in looking back;
You did the very best for me.

No holding back, no giving in;
Your love, in ways, saved me.

For it was the door that stayed ajar;
To receive the Savior later.

A blessed friend, committed parents;
It all came to a moment.

Of looking back with gratitude;
And living a godly, purpose filled life.


This open prose is dedicated to my parents who remained faithful in loving this little girl who once was lost, but now is found. I love you both.

Encouragement for the week:

Never underestimate the power of the love and prayers of your parents, beloved.

Checked Out

**A 1982 photo of me and my best friend, Grandpa Siroski.**

After you book a trip, and it comes time to go to the airport, you have to begin by checking in. The details of your flight itinerary and baggage are confirmed and the check-in process is completed. You go through security, find your gate, sit down and wait until your designated plane is prepared and boarding begins.

In your indicated seat, you become fully aware that you will soon depart and your trip will commence. For many, a trip is a highly anticipated excursion and you're now looking forward to reaching the final destination. As a traveler, you are fully checked in and present. Let the excitement begin!

But what if your circumstances change and the predicament you're checking into is brutal and heart wrenching? The photo I chose for this post shows happiness and contentment. I'm standing beside my best friend, the center of my universe.

The picture taken was also mere years prior to my grandfather's death from cancer. His death broke me. It turned my world upside down and I couldn't deal with it so I checked out. As adults, my sister has told me that I never cried at his funeral. She couldn't understand why I didn't because of my close relationship with him. I had no recollection of that heart wrenching day.

I think I kept myself from crying and grieving so that I wouldn't lose my mind and never recover. However, because I checked out during that time in my life, it has taken me decades to fully grieve his passing and it was far more difficult than if I had only allowed myself to feel whatever needed to be felt back then.

Be that as it may, there is no set timeline for grieving nor is there any correct way to grieve. The danger lies in checking out, isolation, and disconnecting from others, especially those who love you. Not only does grieving need to happen, but mourning also. While grieving may be a singular action - a song plays reminding you of the person, a smell makes you sob uncontrollably because that's how they used to smell - mourning is a communal action.

It brings you into the proximity of another person to whom you can grieve publicly. That sounds uncomfortable. However, if you have someone who allows you to go through the rainbow of emotions that happen when you lose a beloved one, that's when you're checked back in and possess the ability to express yourself freely.

Be heart broken. Have an ugly cry. Be mad. Allow yourself to feel what you're feeling, out loud, and until the pain isn't as drowning or overwhelming. Let it out. When I'm saddened by loss, I'm thankful that the Bible speaks to the importance of loss. In a book called Ecclesiastes it says that there is, "...a time to mourn and a time to dance..." (Chapter 3, Verse 4b). It assigns a season to mourning. This process is a natural time in our lives, as unfortunate as it is when it happens.

As a Christian woman, I have found benefit in weeping and mourning, especially during times of loss. We were created to be feeling beings. We weren't meant to be isolated or checked out from life's pain. Allow yourself to mourn for this season then let life move you forward. It doesn't mean you're discounting the passing of your loved one. It means you're allowing yourself to be you, the you that God intended you to be.

Encouragement for the week:

Beloved, it's okay to cry and feel all that's in you during this time of pain and loss. Expressing deep emotion is a part of who you were created to be.

If you are a Christian reading this, you know that God didn't create you to be one dimensional. Allow yourself to feel and live life forward as you grieve. Continue to trust that God can and will get you through it all.

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. Don't be afraid to feel during times of loss - it is a part of life. A relationship with Jesus will enable you to live life in the midst of unbearable pain. Jesus is the way to peace in loss. You can trust Him when you ask Him to come into your heart and help you navigate life.

Who's That Girl?

**Photo of me on a 1978 fishing trip with my grandparents**

Daddy's little girl, grandpa's favorite grandchild, Mommy's eager helper, and an older sister's worst nightmare. These were just some of the titles I accumulated over the young years of my life. Include the picture above and you could add adventurous boater and fisherman.

Driving my grandfather's boat for the first time was both exciting and terrifying. I wanted to go on a tear but also make my grandpa proud. He didn't let just anyone captain his vessel. Needless to say, that was a monumental day for me and I caught a big jack fish too.

Nowadays, a lot of our young girls define who they are through the lens of others and social media. Much of what streams to their eyes and ears are that they don't cut it according to the superficial expectations that movies, songs, and TV portray.

That they fall short in one or more areas that society, and even 'friends' state is required to 'fit in'. May I just say, that's total junk and completely unrealistic. I fought that while growing up and it resulted in devastating results.

Like crushed self-esteem, depression, self-hatred, and a suicide attempt. While I lived to move beyond my harsh younger years, many young women didn't. The pressure was too much. The nonacceptance too scathing. Young, beautiful lives lost. Forever.

Let's do away with the insults and judgments. Instead, let us be people who celebrate our unique differences that were given to us by God when He, so carefully, wove us together in our mother's wombs (Psalm 139:13).

May we embrace, not attack. May we move beyond the superficial standards that the world has felt necessary to impose and love our sisters for the beautiful creations they are. Let's shock the shallow world with what we can do, just as Jesus did without hesitation.

Don't be afraid to be who you are. You are unique for a reason. Only you can do what needs to be done within the world to make it a better place. Be strong and courageous and don't bow down to the world's pressure. Make them ask, "Who's that girl?"

Encouragement for the week:

Sweet girl, there is no one as beautiful and unique as you. Never allow anyone to diminish the radiance your heavenly Father, painstakingly, formed.

If you are a Christian reading this, your power to shine lies within the intricacy your Father had great love to build you with. Be strong enough in Him to embrace your uniqueness and help others to realize theirs.

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. God made you. Yes, He did. And He did it through incredible detail with tremendous love. The world will not celebrate your full potential. Only a relationship with Christ can. You can trust Him.

Let's Be Clear

**A picture of me at the age of seven 

with my friends and sister.**

Being young and impressionable has its merits. As a youngster, I was easily impressed by the things my parents and grandparents did, only because I didn't carry the size or strength to pull off the task.

I was also easily moved by the things my friends and sister did. I would follow the patterns and behaviors I saw whether they were fitting for me or not. I'm sure there may have been an innate knowledge that some of the things I was copying, weren't always beneficial.

What ever the case, my individualism may wasn't as obvious in my younger years as it is now. Being able to think for myself wasn't as imperative as a young girl.  Mimicking everyone else and being in the accepted crowd was far more essential.

Compromise was a far reaching taboo for this awkward lass. Instead, I walked a fine line between nice and naughty in an effort to ensure a certain cute and innocent profile, even though the rebel inside teetered on the edge of mayhem.

What can I say? I didn't exactly put my choices under a microscope before making them at that age. None of us did. We just wanted to have fun. That's what childhood was all about.

Pushing the limits, fighting to fit in, gaining acceptance from our peers, and standing out in a crowd were our life goals. Nothing else really mattered.

Looking at my life today, as a Christian woman, I have a completely different thought process. It's more about becoming the right person, being compassionate, and staying true to my beliefs and convictions. No compromise allowed.

No, that doesn't mean forming legalistic ideologies. It's quite the opposite. It's about sharing a meaningful relationship with God and living by specific and inalienable principles because they keep me free from physical, emotional and mental harm.

And because of that, they keep me in a caring, compassionate and empathetic posture around others. They allow me to be real and vulnerable while keeping me true to the values and beliefs I will, unequivocally, hold to. No matter what.

In this world, and for the sake of my own sanity, I must hold fast to the things that convict me, because that's the only way I will become the woman God created me to be. And I have to say, that's far more important than anything else the world could possibly offer.

Encouragement for the week:

Sweet girl, don't compromise your heart, mind, or body to fit in to the masses that pressure you. An uncompromising spirit will take you further in ways you never thought possible.

If you are a Christian reading this, God created you to be unwavering in your faith and to be true to your convictions. Continue to look to the Lord for the strength to go against the majority.

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. He sees the pain you suffer when you compromise yourself. He longs to protect you from that. Entering into a relationship with Jesus will enable you to stay true to who you are.

Does It Matter?

Growing up in a small town, as I did, afforded our family many benefits. It wasn't just about our family, but a larger family co-existing in the sleepy hamlet. It meant being able to roam and explore with confidence. Where everyone knew each other and each child had others watching out for them - which didn't always work to our favor. Our parents knew we were causing trouble before we ever reached the front door for dinner.

Relationships among neighbors were close, trusting, and rewarding. At any given time, we could walk to a neighbor's house to play or enjoy cookies. I remember walking to the post office that also served as the postal worker's home. She was a pleasant, friendly lady who enjoyed serving. We would chat before I collected the mail and walked back home.

When it came to birthday celebrations, it was common for my parents to bring out a car full of my friends, making it a weekend event. Having my birthday land in the middle of summer, there was badminton, popsicles and other outdoor fun, abound.

As a teenager, I became a trusted sitter for the neighbor kids whose parents could go out knowing their children were in good hands. Great good resided in living the small town life back then where life was simpler. You took time to listen to the stories of your neighbors. There was intentional relationship building in a time of slowed paces. It was comfortable and free without much fighting or disagreement.

We were all created for relationship by God. We each have an innate need for interaction and human connection for that reason. Nowadays, many think that the most meaningful connection is found through the portal of social media. But it's actually tearing us apart, making us incapable of having the simplest of conversations and making new friends.

The other day I went food shopping and was stupefied by what I saw. People were engaged with their phones or plugged into ear buds as they strolled the aisles. Many had their heads down, maybe in hopes of avoiding eye contact. Strange how we have become intricately connected to technology - something that can never return to us what we desperately long for - relationship, acceptance, love, and life meaning.

Not only did God create us to be social beings, but His Word, the Bible is the written essence of interaction and relational intimacy. Brother to brother, husband to wife, grandparent to grandchild - it's all about connecting.

In fact, much of the Bible encourages us to communicate and engage in friendship with one another. One such example comes from a book called Hebrews, which says, "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another..." (Chapter 10, Verses 24-25)

No man or woman is an island, capable of thriving without human interaction. We were created for so much more than that. May we each be intentional in reaching out to others and connecting on a heart level.

Encouragement for the week:

My friend, as enjoyable or easy social media may be, it will never feed the greatest need of your heart. Your feminine heart requires more than the shallow sentiments social media offers.

If you are a Christian reading this, you know you were created for relationship and interaction with others. Be mindful of the traps that technology uses to isolate. Instead, have intention about interacting with others in person.

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. You can find a special relationship and connection with Jesus. He waits to forge a lasting and intimate friendship with you. You can trust Him.

An Intricate Fascination

As a youngster, I had a curious fascination with my surroundings - as you can see from the above picture. At times, observing how a single file caravan of hard working ants could be sent into a furry of confusion because a leaf fell across their set path.

The dynamics of a grasshopper as I held it and marveled in its angled back legs, only to open my hands wide enough to watch it take a giant leap into the air. Or chasing a butterfly while taking in the mosaic of colors seen in its wings. It was a simpler time being fascinated with simpler and more beautiful things.

Nowadays, it seems the world has taken on a morbid fascination with the macabre and disturbing. You don't have to look far to see a focus on death, terror, or fear. A perfect example, as it gets closer to Halloween, is the caliber of horror movies being made.

The scarier and more disturbing, the better it seems. Thanks, but I'll pass. I like to be able to sleep at night. Even in our daily news programs, there isn't a whole lot of good news these days. Mail bombs have been an overriding theme on the news, if you tune in, and now that the person who sent them has been apprehended, the investigation begins.

Weeks will be spent dissecting details using the 'why's', 'when's', 'how's', and 'who's' to determine intent within the misdeed. Investigators, police, psychologists and others will give their professional perspective on the actions and mind of the perpetrator. While all the information will be gathered and presented as a welcome sedative to the minds that long to know, I believe there is a deeper part that is being overlooked - the heart.

I was reminded, through one of my devotionals, that it is the heart that is not only the epicenter of each human being, but also at the bulls-eye of villainy. More to the point, one particular devo said, "Society can punish symptoms over and over, but when behavior is our problem, we need to check the state of our heart. "

Not just when it gets to the point of a massacre or bombing. It needs to start when there's anger in our hearts while engaged in a disagreement with a friend or holding onto a lengthy grudge against a family member or co-worker. Is it safe to say that the state of our heart, at that moment, is nurturing something negative?

The devotional went on to say that, "Spiritual reality produces inward morality, which determines outward activity." If our world comes to the point of demanding an absence of God, I struggle to believe that goodness and love can blossom, never mind exist.

I say this having barely come out of my own self destruction, many years ago. If it were not for the saving grace I experienced in meeting God, this blog would not exist. And I would have never stepped into an unconditional love that fully accepted me in my brokenness.

So I guess it's fair to say that I desire to fascinate in the beautiful, simple things of life. To pray continually for the hearts in a state of confusion, hurt and anger - that they would, some way, somehow, be changed by God. For this once deranged heart was changed because nothing in my life was making sense and the darkness I lived in was preparing to swallow me whole.

However, once it was touched by God's love, I knew there was another option and life became incredible and colorful again. Just as it was while being a little girl.

Encouragement for the week:

Sweet girl, our world is scary but there is shelter that awaits every heart. There is a fascination far greater than anything we can fathom. His name is Jesus and He longs to enter each heart, bringing wonder and awe.

If you are a Christian reading this, you know the fascination you encountered when you first met the Lord. How alive and excited you felt for the first time in your life. How everything around you reflected the majesty and beauty of Jesus. Go back to that time and allow that inner flame of wonder and intrigue to be re-ignited.

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. There is no greater fascination than the one you will experience within an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. You can trust Him to bring you new life, my friend.

Tres Años

There you have it - a simple girl with a simple yellow cake donning three blue candles to mark the occasion of my third birthday. I can't help saying that I look absolutely adorable.

Perusing through my photo album to resurrect shots of the past for this season of blogging has caused me to become nostalgic at times. Wondering how I was in the younger years because I, simply, don't remember.

With the help of my mother's exceptional memory, I've gained incredible insight to the simpler times of this easy going girl's life. Some of those memories being quite heart warming.

For instance, it wasn't the easiest for Mom to get pregnant but when she did with me, there was no morning sickness or exhaustion - quite the opposite. She had tremendous energy and felt really good for the entirety of her term.

When I was ready to make my appearance to the world, fifteen and a half painful hours passed before I popped out and demonstrated the power of my lungs. The doctor even commented on the voraciousness of my screams that wouldn't relent until I was tightly swaddled and given a bottle.

Though my Dad wasn't present for my birth - because of working hard to put food on the table - he did go home after his night shift ended, cleaned up, and came to the hospital to meet me in suit and tie. Impressive.

She also mentioned that while they didn't have an official first name picked out until I met my sistie for the first time, there was a desire to give homage to my Dad. So, his first name, Ray, became my middle name, Rae.

And, therefore, with a favorable set of lungs and clean bill of health, the introduction to my parents went off without a hitch. Their dream of a healthy baby girl was secured and life became a party of four.

Their hearts were full of gratitude to God for blessing them with another babe to adore and raise. There's nothing greater than the circle of family.

Encouragement for the week:

Sweet girl, you are the apple of your parent's eyes. Their hopes and dreams for your life are many and promising.

If you are a Christian reading this, you know that you were created by a God who has great things in store for you. Don't ever doubt that. Live and move in all of His eternal promises.

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. Whether you believe it or not, God has incredible things planned for you. You can experience it all in choosing a relationship with Jesus today.

Times Two

**From left to right: Mom, my sistie, my grandma. Not sure who the two little ones are.**

At some point within each young girl's heart, it leaps with excitement at the thought of a birthday party being held just for her. I'm not sure where I was when the above pic was snapped, but it's obvious that there are plans for a party - my second birthday party, to be exact.

Balloons were blown, gifts were being wrapped, and hats were donned in preparation for yours truly to appear. Perhaps, as the frenzy was fierce in the kitchen, I was partaking in one of my favorite past times - napping.

Whatever the case may be, when it was time for the fun to take place, I was put in my chair as the cake was being presented. It was a chocolate cake my mother had made and that my dad placed in front of me.

I hesitated as the frosted treat sat there, waiting for some kind of reaction from me to dive in. That wasn't the case and I'm not sure why because I would never pass up chocolaty goodness like that today.

So without further hesitation, my dad cut a piece of the delectable dessert and placed it on my tray. Still no reaction or movement from me. I'm sure by that time, certain onlookers were hoping to capture a photo of something, anything, but I didn't budge.

So, left to his own devices, dad took a handful of cake and smeared it all over my face which brought an unimpressed look from me, as recalled to me by mom, but a moment that would be captured on film, forever.

The festivities ended with a special musical performance by my grandfather playing his banjo. I was so enthralled by the speed at which his fingers moved that I didn't even sit down to take it all in.

My cherished connection with him was made sweeter as he picked me up, placed me on his lap, put the banjo pick in my fingers and helped me strum on the strings of the treasured instrument. I was in my glory and I'm confident that my heart was full in those moments.

A little girl's life can be fundamentally changed by those who are closest to her, showing love and security. It's why this girl is thankful to God for having all the moments I did with family, my grandfather and his banjo.

Encouragement for the week:

My girl, you are the shine in the eyes of your loved ones, even when cake and frosting have been smeared on your face. You are beloved.

If you are a Christian reading this, those cherished memories of times gone by and loved ones in attendance for the things that really matter, relationship is what God had in mind for us. May we always hold to that.

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. The extraordinary relationships you have in your life are no comparison to the awesome relationship Jesus longs to have with you. Sweet girl, you can trust Jesus to be your closest friend.

Get Your Dance On!

Aside from subjecting our family cats to dance lessons, my sistie and I used to host dance parties. Granted, we were the only two at these events, but we would dance for hours and it was a blast.

Our underground palace consisted of the colorful rumpus room and a stack of our favorite vinyl, played on the massive home stereo. We were in our jive element and nothing kept us from bustin' out 'the moves'.

Whether it was the beat of Michael Jackson's 'Thriller', or the smooth sounds of The Bee Gees' 'Saturday Night Fever', we got lost in the thump of the blasting music. Dancing fixed everything that seemed to be lacking in our lives at the time.

Sometimes, I feel that way today. In fact, one day last week had me standing at a photocopier doing the same mundane task I had been doing for weeks. The only difference being, one of my favorite songs from the eighties came on the radio.

Next thing I knew, my head was bobbing and my lips syncing to the familiar tune. I so, desperately, wanted to bust out in dance but considered the consequences of living down a public diss and decided against doing so.

It's incredible how impactful music can be. Simply putting together a sequence of notes, played by specific instruments, can lend to an external freedom of expression brought on by an inner explosion of emotion.

Dancing and music have been around a long time, with no sign of fading out. In fact, music and dancing date back to biblical times. Yes, you read correctly and it delights me to know that dancing and music were embraced, even back then.

The people who played music were key individuals. Many of them playing ahead of armies going to battle. Playing music on the way to fighting an enemy was considered a form of praise to God for a victory not yet obtained.

Seems a bit unorthodox but there is a book in the Bible, which is the Word of God, called Joshua. Joshua was a prophet called by God to take down a city called Jericho. How on earth would that happen?

Well, with one small group of people marching around Jericho and the playing of a single trumpet, this unsuspecting clan shouted after the trumpet played, and the walls came down. Talk about the power of music!

God loves an uplifting tune. He created it, after all, by creating us. Singing, dancing and making music in the right context lightens the heart, brings joy to others, and fills the air with a sweetness that will leave a smile on anyone's face. So, get your dance on.

Encouragement for the week:

If you're a bit down and out, sometimes the right song can make all the difference.

If you are a Christian reading this, you know that God enjoys a good ditty. He especially loves to hear us praise Him through song and music. Take some time to listen to and jive with your favorite uplifting song.

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. He can also be found in the sweetest of music that soothes your hurting heart. Sweet girl, you can open your heart to Jesus today.

Vice Grip

Have you ever tried to hold several objects in your hands at once? You can't. You, eventually, have to let go of one or more things to keep another. You might guess that from the above picture, my senses were overloaded with Easter treats and it was hard to choose just a couple to grasp and, soon, eat. Perhaps my sister was trying to help me take more chocolate goodness into my fingers.

Chances are, she may have been taking a treat for herself because she saw it and had to have it. The want for something that isn't ours can create extreme emotion and the resistance to turn away until it's in our possession.

And, sometimes, we have a tendency to hold on to things too long, thinking they will bring the greatest joy or satisfaction to our lives. Things like a negative relationship, without respect or kindness, that robs us of healthy self-esteem and self-worth, all in an effort to avoid being alone. Or staying at a high paying job even though it might compromise our own ethics, values, and beliefs.

Whatever the justification we present, the good things we think are good and take a firm grasp of, may not be good at all. In my life, I have held on to a lot of harmful behaviors, addictions, and abusive relationships, in hopes they were the very best life had to offer. I didn't really know anything different and my perspective on what was deemed 'healthy' was completely skewed.

I would enter into a 'relationship' with a guy thinking it was a place of security, love, and respect. However, because I didn't feel those things for myself, they never manifested themselves in any relationship I engaged in prior to coming into a relationship with God. In fact, I would manipulate every relationship I had in order to get out of it what I wanted, which only resulted in heartache.

The associations I held back then had no real connection and lacked every sign of being positive and uplifting. Yet, it's how I viewed myself that brought about my poor interrelations. As each year passed in a span of fifteen years, my self-portrait looked more and more deformed and without any detectable beauty.

Until I met him. He came into my life at a time when I was most broken, devastated, hurt, and vulnerable. He never used those things to his advantage. He never made me feel ashamed for the life I had been living and he never allowed me to degrade myself. He received me as I was, fully flawed, fully imperfect, and he began an intense transformation.

He, being God, accepted me as his own and never let go even though I doubted how anyone could have loved me as he did. Granted, my vice grip on the things in my life didn't relax for many years even as God was working in my heart to heal me, fix my broken heart and messed up perspective.

However, as he kept on telling me, through his word, the Bible, how much I was truly cherished and beloved, it did begin to erase the recording that had been playing in my brain by my own self-defeating thoughts. Not only did my attitude soften but I began to dream about what my life could look like now that I had been given a new beginning - wiping my past slate clean.

While my priorities were still a bit off as a new creation in Christ - money, possessions, marriage - I was coming into a knowledge of something far better. That something was realizing that God didn't just want good things for me, He had the very best in mind for this daughter that he saved. I didn't appreciate that reality until a couple years ago when my heart continued to be changed and what I wanted started to matter less and less.

For once, it wasn't all about me. It wasn't even about what God might want for me. It was all about him and wanting God's best for my life, whatever that looked like. Whether it meant wealth or not, material items or not, or even if it meant marriage or not. As each day passes, being a follower of Christ, I only want the best and anything less, just won't do.

I have been able to release the clench of my fists long enough to allow those things I long for, to fall into the hands of God. I trust him with every single thing in my life and when it comes to the desires of my heart and wanting to honor God with my life, I know the best is yet to come.

Encouragement for the week:

If you think you are holding on to something that is good, you could be missing out on something far superior and spectacular.

If you are a Christian reading this, you know that God only wants the very best for you and your life. You can trust him with the details of that life, no matter what. Keep him as your focus and be sure to spend time with him each day. In developing that intimacy with your Creator, you won't go wrong in waiting for his absolute best.

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find him. The things in your life that bring you heartache and disappointment are not what's best for you, even if you think it is. You can trust the man who died for you to know what's best. Open your heart to a relationship with him, today.

Here, Kitty Kitty!

Have you ever tried to tame a stray cat? No matter what you attempted, even bribing it with food, it came close but never embraced your efforts. It never showed trust on a deep level or saw your kind face as a safe place. Perhaps, its distance was due to the feline being neglected or abused.

Sometimes, we can become stray cats as we live out life and experience unexpected hurt. At times, the hurt incurred may have been unintentional and other times, harshly directed and malicious. The wound that can scar us the most can also come from those closest to us. Whatever the case may be, damage is done and it can cause us to become distant and suspicious of even the slightest human contact.

We may, no longer, feel as though we can share our true selves with anyone or have deep and meaningful relationships due to the fear of being hurt again. Some scars are so deep and excruciating that it can prevent us from living a life filled with laughter, joy, and hope. Yet, while suffering in this life might be inevitable, it doesn't have power over us. The agony and discomfort of negative life experiences can be overcome with the right tools and careful healing.

For me, it was time in counselling and the diligent support and safety of family that helped me come out of my abuse as a young girl. That I felt like I could live without fear to a certain extent and take some enjoyment in life. I'm sure it wasn't easy getting there and I remember never liking school, but I didn't allow that time in my life to keep a grip on me as I tell you about it today.

Now, as an adult woman, the distresses of life, while disheartening and still uncomfortable as they may be, can be disposed of more quickly because of the relationship I have with God. He has demonstrated His power and promises of the Bible in my life time and again. He has brought me full healing from the things of my past and present that cause pain.

It was the invitation of Jesus that had me know that no matter what I was encountering, there was always rest and recovery in His presence and through reading the words He spoke within the Bible. It was one such promise in the book of Matthew, in particular, that brought and still brings a great assurance and relief when I take hold of and remember it in times of struggle or trouble. It says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (11:28)

It's an extraordinary promise that calms even the tumultuous of storms that might be raging against me at any given time. I can actually exhale with confidence as I relax my stressed mind and muscles, waiting for the calm that comes from reading the above verse. Soon, the anxiety melts away and I can turn back my focus to lighter things and look forward to someone greater, taking care of things on my behalf as I simply be.

The same holds for you, sweet girl, if you enter into a life changing relationship with Jesus, the Son of God. While He does make things clear over time, He also never hesitates to help us when we call on Him and His heavenly Father. It's just one of His many promises available to us as His beloved. You can have confidence, healing and victory over the dark things of your life, just as I did.

Encouragement for the week:

If life has you feeling like a stray cat, without true meaning or sense of belonging, you are not alone my friend. I have been where you are and I understand.

If you are a Christian reading this, you have come through great hardships and mind altering struggles because of the power and promises of God. It has been as a result of the close relationship you have forged with Him. No matter what, don't turn away from His goodness and love. Take a break in His comforting stillness and sovereign protection.

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. His heart for you beats with a longing that will keep Him in pursuit of you until you open your heart and life to Him. True goodness, mercy, and grace are awaiting you in His loving arms. You can trust Him.

The Injustice League

The bewildered look on my face may have something to do with sitting on the lap of someone I wasn't familiar with. I'm guessing that there may have been a handful of awkward moments before returning to my mother's arms.

The labyrinth of life can be a series of peculiar minutes and uncertain situations. As I look into the eyes of myself in the above picture, I consider how such a small life could have ever experienced a peculiarity like injustice.

Our world has become a succession of appalling and horrendous events perpetuated by broken people. At some point within their lives, they saw a crime as being the only way of righting the wrong that may have happened to them.

Perhaps, that is what went through the mind of my abuser as he carried out his plan against me. While it was out in the open at my school's playground, I'm sure my only thought was to enjoy recess that day, as any kindergarten aged child should.

Yet, as it happened, there was no caped crusader to swoop in and save me from the clutches of those participating in the offense. The fallout of that day had me fearful of going to school.

We have all experienced some kind of injustice that leaves a stain on our conscience. When we believe the actions of others should be held accountable and our flesh cries out for them to 'get theirs'.

While I may still have those thoughts from time to time, especially when I see a loved one in the throws of injustice, I also know someone who sees and knows every wrong doing and will make things right.

That someone is God. He promises to act on our behalf if we say we trust Him for the outcome and I do. One example of that promise found in the Bible is within the book of Exodus 14:14, which says, "The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still". That brings relief to my soul and a reassurance to my life.

I can take the above words not only as truth, but speak them to those who are struggling within their own unfathomable situation, to encourage and uplift. That as unjust as the circumstances may be, no good can come from issuing retaliation on the injustice league they face.

So, I fix my eyes on God who can bring proper justice because He never rests until his children are secure in his promises for their lives; they're made new by his healing touch on their hearts and bodies; and they're stronger in his presence to come through a difficult time without taking the law into their own hands.

My most admired example of strength in the face of corruption is Jesus. There are several times in the Bible when Jesus, the son of God, has accusations hurled at him, to which he doesn't defend himself on. Jesus' silence was deafening to his fault finders right up to the Cross, where Jesus was crucified.

The people who put Him there thought it was over but Jesus shocked them in saying, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." (Luke 23:34) Not only did Jesus suffer for all, but he sought forgiveness for those who had no remorse for the punishment they inflicted on the Savior. He is an example of how I wish to be whenever wronged because the forgiveness of injustice, and those who perpetuate it, sets us free and allows us, the accused, to heal and live a life of abundance.

I need to trust God to make things right in my life and those I love - not take matters into my own hands and create a scenario holding irreversible consequences. You, sweet girl, can do the same.

Encouragement for the week:

Personal justice might be on your mind for a wrong doing, but it will only lead to greater heartache in your life. Believe me, I know.

If you are a Christian reading this, you know the key to justice lies in your God because He promises to fight life's battles on your behalf. Continue to trust Him for the outcome of your unjust situation and see what He will do.

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. He's not only a God of love but He is also one of justice. He sees the wrongs you have had to endure and He can make things right if you accept him into your life and trust him for the results.

Walk This Way

This is me at Easter of 1973, three months shy of my first birthday. I think it's safe to say that the startled look on my face is due to the unexpected camera flash as opposed to fear.

Back then I didn't believe in much except that Mom would hold on to me so as not to fall on my keister. Also, that wherever I was headed, it was the intended direction to walk. While part of walking meant falling down, it also meant getting help to stand and keep going.

Though walking the road of abuse and self-hatred was never part of a desired journey as a young girl, I believe today, that it was a path I was meant to take. Whether good or bad, all our roads lead to some kind of destination.

When we affirm strongly enough in something, a deep conviction takes root that helps move us toward a better destination which is where I find myself these days. Not necessarily being on an easy road but knowing the difficult parts will work together for a fantastic end point.

There are specific details about my life that serve as inalienable and immovable. That is, I will not cave to external pressures in order to appease internal discomfort. It's taken a while but when I come to believe in something, I believe it and there is no going back.

Learning to walk was a milestone for me as an infant. Walking in the calling I, firmly, believe God has for me right now is, admittedly, a nail biter. Yet, everything I am says to not be afraid and just take the next step.

It's not that I am stuck in the past and unable to break free as I share it. On the contrary. It is because of God's truth that I have been set free in order to use the former to help young and mature women walk in a different direction.

One that means healing and wholeness. And not only would I have serious regrets that I didn't use what I endured to help someone, but I would be even more remiss in failing to share the reason for my jail break. So, I'm walking day by day, step by step, to a predetermined destination that, while unknown to me, is of no surprise to my God.

In fact, God says in His Word, within the pages of the book of Isaiah, "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, "This is the way; walk in it."" - Isaiah 30:21. Though I might have apprehension in going ahead, I know I'm in the hands of someone who works all things for good.

Encouragement for the week:

Perhaps, you're looking to walk a certain road that makes you uneasy but your convictions say to continue, no matter what. Stay true to the road, knowing the destination's glory will far outweigh the difficulty of the trip.

If you are a Christian reading this, you know God has a calling on your life.  While you may not fully know what that is yet, be assured that He will give you the conviction and strength to carry it out for His glory.

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. He has a beautiful plan for your mess of a life right now. You can trust Him to see things through and bring healing along the way.

I Vant To Be Alone

My home growing up was a busy one. The ladies in the picture above, with myself and my sister, were part of a care home my Mom headed in our house.

Aside from my parents being nurses, they both had hearts of compassion, care and love for others. While Dad worked a traditional nursing position in a local hospital, my Mom had a desire for tending to mentally handicapped men and women who occupied our residence.

So, there was never a shortage of activity. For years, I would have meals with them and, when the weather lent, threw horseshoes into pits during back yard picnics. They all became a larger part of our family.

Suffice it to say, there were occasions when I needed time to myself, away from the action. To be alone so that I could rest before the next set of meals and games. Not much has changed since then.

While I love people, I still require time away from folks so that I may be recharged and refreshed. Being an extroverted introvert means there is a limit to my exchanges with people before quiet rest is a must.

There's nothing wrong with that and I am not weird for being that way. In fact, one of my favorite persons of the Bible frequently left crowds to spend time alone. That person was Jesus.

He, often, stole away from the demanding hoards in order to seek time and interaction with his heavenly Father. He would get into a boat, sailing to the opposite side of a lake or get up very early in the morning, just to be by himself.

I love the fact Jesus did that because if He needed a break from the people He greatly loved, that means it's okay for me to need some quiet time. It means that after some solitude with God and prayers in between, I'm able to serve others more effectively, just like Jesus.

So don't feel guilty, sweet girl, for taking a break from people in order to get some down time. There is a place in each of our hearts that God created to long for quiet time with Him.

Breathe in deeply, take steps slowly, and enjoy the stillness that surrounds you during those times of isolation.

Encouragement for the week:

Taking a time out isn't just for kids. You can't expect to be everything to everyone at all times. Steal away from the crowds, just like Jesus did, and you will find rejuvenation.

If you are a Christian reading this, you have an innate need for stillness. The next time you find yourself in noisy surroundings, take a break with God. He'll energize you so that you can rejoin the masses.

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. He longs to have you to Himself and recharge you for whatever lies ahead in your life.