Checked Out

**A 1982 photo of me and my best friend, Grandpa Siroski.**

After you book a trip, and it comes time to go to the airport, you have to begin by checking in. The details of your flight itinerary and baggage are confirmed and the check-in process is completed. You go through security, find your gate, sit down and wait until your designated plane is prepared and boarding begins.

In your indicated seat, you become fully aware that you will soon depart and your trip will commence. For many, a trip is a highly anticipated excursion and you're now looking forward to reaching the final destination. As a traveler, you are fully checked in and present. Let the excitement begin!

But what if your circumstances change and the predicament you're checking into is brutal and heart wrenching? The photo I chose for this post shows happiness and contentment. I'm standing beside my best friend, the center of my universe.

The picture taken was also mere years prior to my grandfather's death from cancer. His death broke me. It turned my world upside down and I couldn't deal with it so I checked out. As adults, my sister has told me that I never cried at his funeral. She couldn't understand why I didn't because of my close relationship with him. I had no recollection of that heart wrenching day.

I think I kept myself from crying and grieving so that I wouldn't lose my mind and never recover. However, because I checked out during that time in my life, it has taken me decades to fully grieve his passing and it was far more difficult than if I had only allowed myself to feel whatever needed to be felt back then.

Be that as it may, there is no set timeline for grieving nor is there any correct way to grieve. The danger lies in checking out, isolation, and disconnecting from others, especially those who love you. Not only does grieving need to happen, but mourning also. While grieving may be a singular action - a song plays reminding you of the person, a smell makes you sob uncontrollably because that's how they used to smell - mourning is a communal action.

It brings you into the proximity of another person to whom you can grieve publicly. That sounds uncomfortable. However, if you have someone who allows you to go through the rainbow of emotions that happen when you lose a beloved one, that's when you're checked back in and possess the ability to express yourself freely.

Be heart broken. Have an ugly cry. Be mad. Allow yourself to feel what you're feeling, out loud, and until the pain isn't as drowning or overwhelming. Let it out. When I'm saddened by loss, I'm thankful that the Bible speaks to the importance of loss. In a book called Ecclesiastes it says that there is, "...a time to mourn and a time to dance..." (Chapter 3, Verse 4b). It assigns a season to mourning. This process is a natural time in our lives, as unfortunate as it is when it happens.

As a Christian woman, I have found benefit in weeping and mourning, especially during times of loss. We were created to be feeling beings. We weren't meant to be isolated or checked out from life's pain. Allow yourself to mourn for this season then let life move you forward. It doesn't mean you're discounting the passing of your loved one. It means you're allowing yourself to be you, the you that God intended you to be.

Encouragement for the week:

Beloved, it's okay to cry and feel all that's in you during this time of pain and loss. Expressing deep emotion is a part of who you were created to be.

If you are a Christian reading this, you know that God didn't create you to be one dimensional. Allow yourself to feel and live life forward as you grieve. Continue to trust that God can and will get you through it all.

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. Don't be afraid to feel during times of loss - it is a part of life. A relationship with Jesus will enable you to live life in the midst of unbearable pain. Jesus is the way to peace in loss. You can trust Him when you ask Him to come into your heart and help you navigate life.