An Intricate Fascination

As a youngster, I had a curious fascination with my surroundings - as you can see from the above picture. At times, observing how a single file caravan of hard working ants could be sent into a furry of confusion because a leaf fell across their set path.

The dynamics of a grasshopper as I held it and marveled in its angled back legs, only to open my hands wide enough to watch it take a giant leap into the air. Or chasing a butterfly while taking in the mosaic of colors seen in its wings. It was a simpler time being fascinated with simpler and more beautiful things.

Nowadays, it seems the world has taken on a morbid fascination with the macabre and disturbing. You don't have to look far to see a focus on death, terror, or fear. A perfect example, as it gets closer to Halloween, is the caliber of horror movies being made.

The scarier and more disturbing, the better it seems. Thanks, but I'll pass. I like to be able to sleep at night. Even in our daily news programs, there isn't a whole lot of good news these days. Mail bombs have been an overriding theme on the news, if you tune in, and now that the person who sent them has been apprehended, the investigation begins.

Weeks will be spent dissecting details using the 'why's', 'when's', 'how's', and 'who's' to determine intent within the misdeed. Investigators, police, psychologists and others will give their professional perspective on the actions and mind of the perpetrator. While all the information will be gathered and presented as a welcome sedative to the minds that long to know, I believe there is a deeper part that is being overlooked - the heart.

I was reminded, through one of my devotionals, that it is the heart that is not only the epicenter of each human being, but also at the bulls-eye of villainy. More to the point, one particular devo said, "Society can punish symptoms over and over, but when behavior is our problem, we need to check the state of our heart. "

Not just when it gets to the point of a massacre or bombing. It needs to start when there's anger in our hearts while engaged in a disagreement with a friend or holding onto a lengthy grudge against a family member or co-worker. Is it safe to say that the state of our heart, at that moment, is nurturing something negative?

The devotional went on to say that, "Spiritual reality produces inward morality, which determines outward activity." If our world comes to the point of demanding an absence of God, I struggle to believe that goodness and love can blossom, never mind exist.

I say this having barely come out of my own self destruction, many years ago. If it were not for the saving grace I experienced in meeting God, this blog would not exist. And I would have never stepped into an unconditional love that fully accepted me in my brokenness.

So I guess it's fair to say that I desire to fascinate in the beautiful, simple things of life. To pray continually for the hearts in a state of confusion, hurt and anger - that they would, some way, somehow, be changed by God. For this once deranged heart was changed because nothing in my life was making sense and the darkness I lived in was preparing to swallow me whole.

However, once it was touched by God's love, I knew there was another option and life became incredible and colorful again. Just as it was while being a little girl.

Encouragement for the week:

Sweet girl, our world is scary but there is shelter that awaits every heart. There is a fascination far greater than anything we can fathom. His name is Jesus and He longs to enter each heart, bringing wonder and awe.

If you are a Christian reading this, you know the fascination you encountered when you first met the Lord. How alive and excited you felt for the first time in your life. How everything around you reflected the majesty and beauty of Jesus. Go back to that time and allow that inner flame of wonder and intrigue to be re-ignited.

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. There is no greater fascination than the one you will experience within an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. You can trust Him to bring you new life, my friend.

Tres Años

There you have it - a simple girl with a simple yellow cake donning three blue candles to mark the occasion of my third birthday. I can't help saying that I look absolutely adorable.

Perusing through my photo album to resurrect shots of the past for this season of blogging has caused me to become nostalgic at times. Wondering how I was in the younger years because I, simply, don't remember.

With the help of my mother's exceptional memory, I've gained incredible insight to the simpler times of this easy going girl's life. Some of those memories being quite heart warming.

For instance, it wasn't the easiest for Mom to get pregnant but when she did with me, there was no morning sickness or exhaustion - quite the opposite. She had tremendous energy and felt really good for the entirety of her term.

When I was ready to make my appearance to the world, fifteen and a half painful hours passed before I popped out and demonstrated the power of my lungs. The doctor even commented on the voraciousness of my screams that wouldn't relent until I was tightly swaddled and given a bottle.

Though my Dad wasn't present for my birth - because of working hard to put food on the table - he did go home after his night shift ended, cleaned up, and came to the hospital to meet me in suit and tie. Impressive.

She also mentioned that while they didn't have an official first name picked out until I met my sistie for the first time, there was a desire to give homage to my Dad. So, his first name, Ray, became my middle name, Rae.

And, therefore, with a favorable set of lungs and clean bill of health, the introduction to my parents went off without a hitch. Their dream of a healthy baby girl was secured and life became a party of four.

Their hearts were full of gratitude to God for blessing them with another babe to adore and raise. There's nothing greater than the circle of family.

Encouragement for the week:

Sweet girl, you are the apple of your parent's eyes. Their hopes and dreams for your life are many and promising.

If you are a Christian reading this, you know that you were created by a God who has great things in store for you. Don't ever doubt that. Live and move in all of His eternal promises.

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. Whether you believe it or not, God has incredible things planned for you. You can experience it all in choosing a relationship with Jesus today.

Times Two

**From left to right: Mom, my sistie, my grandma. Not sure who the two little ones are.**

At some point within each young girl's heart, it leaps with excitement at the thought of a birthday party being held just for her. I'm not sure where I was when the above pic was snapped, but it's obvious that there are plans for a party - my second birthday party, to be exact.

Balloons were blown, gifts were being wrapped, and hats were donned in preparation for yours truly to appear. Perhaps, as the frenzy was fierce in the kitchen, I was partaking in one of my favorite past times - napping.

Whatever the case may be, when it was time for the fun to take place, I was put in my chair as the cake was being presented. It was a chocolate cake my mother had made and that my dad placed in front of me.

I hesitated as the frosted treat sat there, waiting for some kind of reaction from me to dive in. That wasn't the case and I'm not sure why because I would never pass up chocolaty goodness like that today.

So without further hesitation, my dad cut a piece of the delectable dessert and placed it on my tray. Still no reaction or movement from me. I'm sure by that time, certain onlookers were hoping to capture a photo of something, anything, but I didn't budge.

So, left to his own devices, dad took a handful of cake and smeared it all over my face which brought an unimpressed look from me, as recalled to me by mom, but a moment that would be captured on film, forever.

The festivities ended with a special musical performance by my grandfather playing his banjo. I was so enthralled by the speed at which his fingers moved that I didn't even sit down to take it all in.

My cherished connection with him was made sweeter as he picked me up, placed me on his lap, put the banjo pick in my fingers and helped me strum on the strings of the treasured instrument. I was in my glory and I'm confident that my heart was full in those moments.

A little girl's life can be fundamentally changed by those who are closest to her, showing love and security. It's why this girl is thankful to God for having all the moments I did with family, my grandfather and his banjo.

Encouragement for the week:

My girl, you are the shine in the eyes of your loved ones, even when cake and frosting have been smeared on your face. You are beloved.

If you are a Christian reading this, those cherished memories of times gone by and loved ones in attendance for the things that really matter, relationship is what God had in mind for us. May we always hold to that.

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. The extraordinary relationships you have in your life are no comparison to the awesome relationship Jesus longs to have with you. Sweet girl, you can trust Jesus to be your closest friend.

Get Your Dance On!

Aside from subjecting our family cats to dance lessons, my sistie and I used to host dance parties. Granted, we were the only two at these events, but we would dance for hours and it was a blast.

Our underground palace consisted of the colorful rumpus room and a stack of our favorite vinyl, played on the massive home stereo. We were in our jive element and nothing kept us from bustin' out 'the moves'.

Whether it was the beat of Michael Jackson's 'Thriller', or the smooth sounds of The Bee Gees' 'Saturday Night Fever', we got lost in the thump of the blasting music. Dancing fixed everything that seemed to be lacking in our lives at the time.

Sometimes, I feel that way today. In fact, one day last week had me standing at a photocopier doing the same mundane task I had been doing for weeks. The only difference being, one of my favorite songs from the eighties came on the radio.

Next thing I knew, my head was bobbing and my lips syncing to the familiar tune. I so, desperately, wanted to bust out in dance but considered the consequences of living down a public diss and decided against doing so.

It's incredible how impactful music can be. Simply putting together a sequence of notes, played by specific instruments, can lend to an external freedom of expression brought on by an inner explosion of emotion.

Dancing and music have been around a long time, with no sign of fading out. In fact, music and dancing date back to biblical times. Yes, you read correctly and it delights me to know that dancing and music were embraced, even back then.

The people who played music were key individuals. Many of them playing ahead of armies going to battle. Playing music on the way to fighting an enemy was considered a form of praise to God for a victory not yet obtained.

Seems a bit unorthodox but there is a book in the Bible, which is the Word of God, called Joshua. Joshua was a prophet called by God to take down a city called Jericho. How on earth would that happen?

Well, with one small group of people marching around Jericho and the playing of a single trumpet, this unsuspecting clan shouted after the trumpet played, and the walls came down. Talk about the power of music!

God loves an uplifting tune. He created it, after all, by creating us. Singing, dancing and making music in the right context lightens the heart, brings joy to others, and fills the air with a sweetness that will leave a smile on anyone's face. So, get your dance on.

Encouragement for the week:

If you're a bit down and out, sometimes the right song can make all the difference.

If you are a Christian reading this, you know that God enjoys a good ditty. He especially loves to hear us praise Him through song and music. Take some time to listen to and jive with your favorite uplifting song.

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. He can also be found in the sweetest of music that soothes your hurting heart. Sweet girl, you can open your heart to Jesus today.

Vice Grip

Have you ever tried to hold several objects in your hands at once? You can't. You, eventually, have to let go of one or more things to keep another. You might guess that from the above picture, my senses were overloaded with Easter treats and it was hard to choose just a couple to grasp and, soon, eat. Perhaps my sister was trying to help me take more chocolate goodness into my fingers.

Chances are, she may have been taking a treat for herself because she saw it and had to have it. The want for something that isn't ours can create extreme emotion and the resistance to turn away until it's in our possession.

And, sometimes, we have a tendency to hold on to things too long, thinking they will bring the greatest joy or satisfaction to our lives. Things like a negative relationship, without respect or kindness, that robs us of healthy self-esteem and self-worth, all in an effort to avoid being alone. Or staying at a high paying job even though it might compromise our own ethics, values, and beliefs.

Whatever the justification we present, the good things we think are good and take a firm grasp of, may not be good at all. In my life, I have held on to a lot of harmful behaviors, addictions, and abusive relationships, in hopes they were the very best life had to offer. I didn't really know anything different and my perspective on what was deemed 'healthy' was completely skewed.

I would enter into a 'relationship' with a guy thinking it was a place of security, love, and respect. However, because I didn't feel those things for myself, they never manifested themselves in any relationship I engaged in prior to coming into a relationship with God. In fact, I would manipulate every relationship I had in order to get out of it what I wanted, which only resulted in heartache.

The associations I held back then had no real connection and lacked every sign of being positive and uplifting. Yet, it's how I viewed myself that brought about my poor interrelations. As each year passed in a span of fifteen years, my self-portrait looked more and more deformed and without any detectable beauty.

Until I met him. He came into my life at a time when I was most broken, devastated, hurt, and vulnerable. He never used those things to his advantage. He never made me feel ashamed for the life I had been living and he never allowed me to degrade myself. He received me as I was, fully flawed, fully imperfect, and he began an intense transformation.

He, being God, accepted me as his own and never let go even though I doubted how anyone could have loved me as he did. Granted, my vice grip on the things in my life didn't relax for many years even as God was working in my heart to heal me, fix my broken heart and messed up perspective.

However, as he kept on telling me, through his word, the Bible, how much I was truly cherished and beloved, it did begin to erase the recording that had been playing in my brain by my own self-defeating thoughts. Not only did my attitude soften but I began to dream about what my life could look like now that I had been given a new beginning - wiping my past slate clean.

While my priorities were still a bit off as a new creation in Christ - money, possessions, marriage - I was coming into a knowledge of something far better. That something was realizing that God didn't just want good things for me, He had the very best in mind for this daughter that he saved. I didn't appreciate that reality until a couple years ago when my heart continued to be changed and what I wanted started to matter less and less.

For once, it wasn't all about me. It wasn't even about what God might want for me. It was all about him and wanting God's best for my life, whatever that looked like. Whether it meant wealth or not, material items or not, or even if it meant marriage or not. As each day passes, being a follower of Christ, I only want the best and anything less, just won't do.

I have been able to release the clench of my fists long enough to allow those things I long for, to fall into the hands of God. I trust him with every single thing in my life and when it comes to the desires of my heart and wanting to honor God with my life, I know the best is yet to come.

Encouragement for the week:

If you think you are holding on to something that is good, you could be missing out on something far superior and spectacular.

If you are a Christian reading this, you know that God only wants the very best for you and your life. You can trust him with the details of that life, no matter what. Keep him as your focus and be sure to spend time with him each day. In developing that intimacy with your Creator, you won't go wrong in waiting for his absolute best.

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find him. The things in your life that bring you heartache and disappointment are not what's best for you, even if you think it is. You can trust the man who died for you to know what's best. Open your heart to a relationship with him, today.

Here, Kitty Kitty!

Have you ever tried to tame a stray cat? No matter what you attempted, even bribing it with food, it came close but never embraced your efforts. It never showed trust on a deep level or saw your kind face as a safe place. Perhaps, its distance was due to the feline being neglected or abused.

Sometimes, we can become stray cats as we live out life and experience unexpected hurt. At times, the hurt incurred may have been unintentional and other times, harshly directed and malicious. The wound that can scar us the most can also come from those closest to us. Whatever the case may be, damage is done and it can cause us to become distant and suspicious of even the slightest human contact.

We may, no longer, feel as though we can share our true selves with anyone or have deep and meaningful relationships due to the fear of being hurt again. Some scars are so deep and excruciating that it can prevent us from living a life filled with laughter, joy, and hope. Yet, while suffering in this life might be inevitable, it doesn't have power over us. The agony and discomfort of negative life experiences can be overcome with the right tools and careful healing.

For me, it was time in counselling and the diligent support and safety of family that helped me come out of my abuse as a young girl. That I felt like I could live without fear to a certain extent and take some enjoyment in life. I'm sure it wasn't easy getting there and I remember never liking school, but I didn't allow that time in my life to keep a grip on me as I tell you about it today.

Now, as an adult woman, the distresses of life, while disheartening and still uncomfortable as they may be, can be disposed of more quickly because of the relationship I have with God. He has demonstrated His power and promises of the Bible in my life time and again. He has brought me full healing from the things of my past and present that cause pain.

It was the invitation of Jesus that had me know that no matter what I was encountering, there was always rest and recovery in His presence and through reading the words He spoke within the Bible. It was one such promise in the book of Matthew, in particular, that brought and still brings a great assurance and relief when I take hold of and remember it in times of struggle or trouble. It says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (11:28)

It's an extraordinary promise that calms even the tumultuous of storms that might be raging against me at any given time. I can actually exhale with confidence as I relax my stressed mind and muscles, waiting for the calm that comes from reading the above verse. Soon, the anxiety melts away and I can turn back my focus to lighter things and look forward to someone greater, taking care of things on my behalf as I simply be.

The same holds for you, sweet girl, if you enter into a life changing relationship with Jesus, the Son of God. While He does make things clear over time, He also never hesitates to help us when we call on Him and His heavenly Father. It's just one of His many promises available to us as His beloved. You can have confidence, healing and victory over the dark things of your life, just as I did.

Encouragement for the week:

If life has you feeling like a stray cat, without true meaning or sense of belonging, you are not alone my friend. I have been where you are and I understand.

If you are a Christian reading this, you have come through great hardships and mind altering struggles because of the power and promises of God. It has been as a result of the close relationship you have forged with Him. No matter what, don't turn away from His goodness and love. Take a break in His comforting stillness and sovereign protection.

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. His heart for you beats with a longing that will keep Him in pursuit of you until you open your heart and life to Him. True goodness, mercy, and grace are awaiting you in His loving arms. You can trust Him.

The Injustice League

The bewildered look on my face may have something to do with sitting on the lap of someone I wasn't familiar with. I'm guessing that there may have been a handful of awkward moments before returning to my mother's arms.

The labyrinth of life can be a series of peculiar minutes and uncertain situations. As I look into the eyes of myself in the above picture, I consider how such a small life could have ever experienced a peculiarity like injustice.

Our world has become a succession of appalling and horrendous events perpetuated by broken people. At some point within their lives, they saw a crime as being the only way of righting the wrong that may have happened to them.

Perhaps, that is what went through the mind of my abuser as he carried out his plan against me. While it was out in the open at my school's playground, I'm sure my only thought was to enjoy recess that day, as any kindergarten aged child should.

Yet, as it happened, there was no caped crusader to swoop in and save me from the clutches of those participating in the offense. The fallout of that day had me fearful of going to school.

We have all experienced some kind of injustice that leaves a stain on our conscience. When we believe the actions of others should be held accountable and our flesh cries out for them to 'get theirs'.

While I may still have those thoughts from time to time, especially when I see a loved one in the throws of injustice, I also know someone who sees and knows every wrong doing and will make things right.

That someone is God. He promises to act on our behalf if we say we trust Him for the outcome and I do. One example of that promise found in the Bible is within the book of Exodus 14:14, which says, "The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still". That brings relief to my soul and a reassurance to my life.

I can take the above words not only as truth, but speak them to those who are struggling within their own unfathomable situation, to encourage and uplift. That as unjust as the circumstances may be, no good can come from issuing retaliation on the injustice league they face.

So, I fix my eyes on God who can bring proper justice because He never rests until his children are secure in his promises for their lives; they're made new by his healing touch on their hearts and bodies; and they're stronger in his presence to come through a difficult time without taking the law into their own hands.

My most admired example of strength in the face of corruption is Jesus. There are several times in the Bible when Jesus, the son of God, has accusations hurled at him, to which he doesn't defend himself on. Jesus' silence was deafening to his fault finders right up to the Cross, where Jesus was crucified.

The people who put Him there thought it was over but Jesus shocked them in saying, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." (Luke 23:34) Not only did Jesus suffer for all, but he sought forgiveness for those who had no remorse for the punishment they inflicted on the Savior. He is an example of how I wish to be whenever wronged because the forgiveness of injustice, and those who perpetuate it, sets us free and allows us, the accused, to heal and live a life of abundance.

I need to trust God to make things right in my life and those I love - not take matters into my own hands and create a scenario holding irreversible consequences. You, sweet girl, can do the same.

Encouragement for the week:

Personal justice might be on your mind for a wrong doing, but it will only lead to greater heartache in your life. Believe me, I know.

If you are a Christian reading this, you know the key to justice lies in your God because He promises to fight life's battles on your behalf. Continue to trust Him for the outcome of your unjust situation and see what He will do.

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. He's not only a God of love but He is also one of justice. He sees the wrongs you have had to endure and He can make things right if you accept him into your life and trust him for the results.