What's In A Song?

**Photography by Melissa Talbot**

Have you ever been driving to a destination and your favorite song comes on? You turn it up and even though you have heard the tune many times, this particular time on this particular day is...extraordinary.

Yes, the words are the same as the last time it was played but they, inexplicably, pierce your indifferent heart. That's exactly what happened to me last week as I drove to work one morning.

The said ditty spoke about the reckless love of God. How God pursues and fights for those He loves - you and I. I was struck with the truth, in a split second, that God fought for me. I began to weep.

If it were not for God placing a certain person in my life to tell me about Jesus, to break down the walls built around my cold, dark heart - I would be dead. If it were not for God thwarting every single suicide attempt I had planned so long ago - this blog would not exist to encourage you that there is more.

Sweet girl, if you find your road is long and overwhelming, you need to know someone is in pursuit of you and He will not stop until He drowns you in His love.

God has a reckless love for you that means He will enter into whatever hell you find yourself in and He will not stop until you see Him and welcome Him.

He will break down every lie. He will tear apart every abusive word spoken to and about you. He will go to the ends of this earth to have you as His own. That is the awesome God that I know and love.

He pursued me and won me when I no longer saw myself as worthwhile to be pursued. Let me tell you this truth - you are priceless. A Man named Jesus died on the Cross because you are valuable. He loved you more than His own life so that you could be free.

That is the purest love you will never find in an earthly man, chat room, or Netflix binge watch. "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." - John 3: 16-17

Encouragement for the week:

If you are a Christian reading this, continue to live in the truth that God pursued you with a reckless love. Be in awe and thank Him for rescuing you.

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. He died for you and will pursue you no matter what. Love is after you. Real and pure love that you have never known. It's worth opening your heart to it.

Jumping Through Hoops

What does frozen fish head hockey, chicken salad, and cow tongue tag have in common? Nothing. I just wanted to see if you were paying attention. It worked, didn't it?

Being young and free, like I was in the above picture, pales in comparison to anything else. As you can see from the look on my face, I took a certain amount of joy from jumping. It didn't matter that I wasn't getting anywhere, it was just fun.

I could jump as high, often, or crazily as I wanted - as long as I stayed in the middle of the doorway. Provided I was kept entertained by this simple invention, life was good and, I'm guessing, Mom would be grateful to get some things done.

While I may not remember those days of bouncing with glee while attached to the stationary contraption, just looking at the photo speaks for itself, or more appropriately, myself. There was no coercion involved, just pure fun.

Wouldn't we always like to be in a situation like that. Doing something while never being told you had to do it. Moreover, never having to be manipulated or threatened into doing it.

Sadly, there are those in the world who, through no fault of their own, are manipulated into doing things - horrible things. They are even threatened to go along with a scenario, or suffer serious consequences.

In a past post, I mentioned that I had been abused. While I knew the offender, it wasn't that easy to report him. Though the crime was played out in public, a threat involving my mother's life guaranteed my silence and time went on.

That was wrong. What happened to me was wrong and it took a long time to get through the worst of the event. I was petrified to go to school and even more so to ride on the bus that took me there. Even though the criminal lived nearby, I was able to move on and heal. Yet, to this day, I wish I had the courage to lay the justice smack down on my abuser.

Intimidation and threats have no place in a young girl's life. She should have the opportunity to be heard and protected at any cost by those around her, no matter what.

Encouragement for the week:

Jumping through hoops for someone else's gain is really no gain at all. Live a life of joy, sweet girl, and always exercise caution when being approached by someone who doesn't have a mindset of protection or respect for you.

If you are a Christian reading this, you know that God is your protector and strong tower in every situation. Be cautious and wise when being met with a, possibly, threatening or manipulative situation.

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. He is a fortress and protection from all things, menacing, that can appear in your life. You can trust this Man who died for you to help in every uncertain situation in your life.

A Brief Departure

Last week was a departure from the everyday as I stepped into a role that excites me - speaker. One had cancelled at Gull Lake camp and I was asked if I could fill in. I was elated to accept.

I knew I would have to set a precedent for the week in order to get and hold my audience's attention - 7 to 10 years old. It was within 24 hours that I became the, 'lady with the smarties'. Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.

I would be under-selling my success by saying they just liked it. Instead, I had captured the enthusiasm and willingness of a young group which I thought would be difficult to harness. Nothing could be farther from the truth.

The jumping up and down motion followed by the occasional, "Pick me! Pick me!" was a clear giveaway that the kids were more than happy to be there. By Wednesday morning, I had already received a random hug from a little boy and buckets of smiles to fill my own bucket.

My heart was filling up with love faster than I knew what to do with that love. So, I smiled back, gave high fives, and engaged in all kinds of conversations that only a 7 to 10 year old would appreciate.

By Thursday, I was getting a bit nervous, because even though I had been presenting object lessons in line with my teachings (the fruit of the Spirit) and getting kids to read the paired Scripture, I had never revealed the telling of the Gospel through a visual picture story.

Yet, the desire to tell these children about the incredible man of Jesus, blew every nervous cell clear out of me, being replaced by excitement. My moment came. I began with a fun activity that had everyone reciting the fruit of the Spirit and their respective hand signals, with three precocious volunteers leading the charge. Their reward for participating? You guessed it - smarties.

On to the story board. I wanted the message to penetrate deeply into each heart, whether Christian or not, so I spoke slowly and deliberately. At some points came comments of disbelief to what I was saying. I thanked God for the response.

By the time I was done, it felt as though forever had passed and I closed with an invitation for anyone to receive Jesus by praying the salvation prayer - whether out loud or in their hearts. I never thought any more about it until I closed the session.

Little ones came to me. Most of them little girls. One saying she knew Jesus and others just wanting a hug. However, the tone of the interactions changed with two particular girls. I have changed their names due to not securing their parent's permission prior to sharing this. Sally came first.  She walked confidently up to me and said, "I prayed the prayer!", while a glowing smile now adorned her face. I shook her hand and welcomed her to the family, followed by a hug.

Jane came next and she had a concerned look on her face. She said that she had a 'trouble' and was wondering if I might be able to help her with it. "Of course!", I replied. She continued, saying,"If I'm to pray with all my heart, how do I know I have?"

I asked her if she meant every word she said of the prayer and after a couple seconds she confirmed, "I think so." I told her that she now had Jesus in her heart. Words could not describe the relief now painted all over her face as she smiled, excitedly, and threw her arms around me in the best hug I have ever received. As she hugged me she said,"Thank you!"

I then prayed that she would quickly leave the building, which she did. I held it together for a few seconds before falling to pieces. Every doubt I had of my ability as a speaker last week, every second guess I displayed about my material, all erased as I watched a sweet little girl bound out of the chapel having Jesus firmly planted in her heart. Each incompetency I had listed about myself earlier in the week - gone.

I had just witnessed the movement of a perfect and loving God in a precious young girl, through the power of the Holy Spirit. I could have died right then, on the cold and dirty floor of that chapel, knowing absolute perfection.

Encouragement for the week:

If you ever question your abilities, stop right now, because there are moments in time, that you least expect, will set your heart on a new trajectory. Do whatever it is you're doing with all your heart's love, expecting nothing in return. You may just taste perfection.

If you are a Christian reading this, God has given us each gifts and talents He desires us to implement for His glory. Never underestimate the power of obedience in executing those gifts and talents.

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. He can do anything, at any time, in anyone. If you think He doesn't know where you're at, think again and leave the door of your heart unlocked and ajar.

Monkey See, Monkey Do

Ah, my sistie. She was my idol. I would follow her around, doing the things she did and saying the things she said. She had a significant 'influence' on me growing up.

I wanted to be everywhere she was because I wanted to be like her. Sometimes when other people know how much you adore them, there is the possibility that they will use that knowledge to their advantage and your detriment.

While my loyalty may have been tested by way of cat food and peanut butter (not together), there came a time when my sister's influence wore off and I became a separate entity.

There is an intrinsic truth to doing unto others what you would have done unto you. Yet, when it comes to the early years as siblings, that truth can't and won't be appreciated or exercised until much later. Until then, parents brace themselves for what their little girls may say or do to each other.

Today, I definitely take that truth, above, to heart and display it as much as possible. Nowadays, the only ammo my sister sprays me with are words of encouragement and inspiration.

I have seen her go through a lot of struggles in her life and come out the other side as a kind, loving, and compassionate human being. She endeavors to make things right when a wrong has been committed and she would give her life for her kids.

I may have wanted to get even with her countless times, growing up, for all the things she manipulated me to do but that has faded with the passing years.

The only thing this monkey wants is see the best in others, treat them with respect, and do my utmost for God's highest. To ensure others know they are loved and monkey around whenever possible. Life is too short not to.

If you find you're doing more battle than beauty in your life, stop and take a break, sweet girl. You might have a relentless sibling you deal with who tries to persuade your ways but don't let it get you down.

Love them as you endeavor to be the right person who will come out ahead as a girl who is on track to be of great and positive influence to others.

Encouragement for the week:

Living a young life beside siblings isn't easy especially if you are receiving some heavy stuff. Know that you are loved in the midst of it all by a perfect God who sees you for who you truly are - beautiful.

If you are a Christian reading this, you know that God has your name engraved on the palm of His hand. There's no way for it to leave. Walk in the light of that truth and continue to do unto others as you would have done unto you.

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. He sees your difficulties in life and waits, patiently, at the door of your heart. Be not afraid to open the door and let Him in.

In The Grand Scheme Of Things

I've been told that there is nothing quite like becoming a grandparent. While I'm still awaiting the bliss of that, I often get drawn back to the memories of my own grandparents. That's a picture of my Mom's parents, holding me and my sister.

They were the best. I was the closest to my grandfather and he used to tell me that I was his favorite. I bathed in that truth and took it to heart. He had become the center of my world and I loved him dearly.

I felt the most special when I was with him and because he lived far from me, we spent as much time together as possible. During summer break from school, my sister and I would spend time with our grandparents. Sometimes it meant going fishing which included my privileged time of steering the boat. I felt like I was on top of the world.

When he was diagnosed with cancer, I was devastated and panic stricken. I couldn't imagine my life without him. It was one of their trips back from Arizona that they told us of the news. In their retirement years, they spent the winters in Yuma, Arizona. I, often, wanted to go with them.

I don't remember a lot about grandpa's sickness except it stole all the things that made him who he was to me. When he got really bad, we took him into our home and cared for him. That was an exceptionally cherished time for me.

Whenever I wanted to see him, I could. When the cancer got really bad, he could no longer talk. That was really hard to take but it seemed as though I could look into his deep, blue eyes and just know what he was saying to me.

Then, what seemed like in the blink of an eye, he passed away. Shortly before then, he had been transferred to a hospital because we could no longer provide the critical care he needed. I always hoped that he would get better. I mean, what little girl wouldn't hope for that? He was Superman to me and I thought he would fully recover and come knocking on my door. That never happened.

I was so distraught at his passing that I didn't even cry at his funeral. To this day, my sister marvels at how I could have done that. It seems cruel that I didn't but I was beyond tears.

My grandfather was gone - my world was over as far as I knew it. Even as I write this out, I can feel the hurt of losing him all over again. How surreal.

We are never fully prepared to lose a loved one, especially one so close to our hearts. It can devastate our lives and leave us baffled. I was far from being consoled when my grandfather left this world.

I wasn't sure how I would go forward. I truly believe that something changed in me that day to lend to altering the trajectory of my life. Don't ask me how, it just seemed to happen. Things...I just wasn't the same as the years wore on. I became an angry, despondent, and depressed girl.

It's taken a long time, but I finally came to terms with my grandfather's passing and because of having a relationship with God, I believe that I will see him again in heaven. I have learned that in order to get through the grieving process, you first have to give yourself permission to grieve.

I didn't do that as a young girl. Losing someone close can take a long time to overcome. Especially, if that person didn't have a relationship with Jesus. However, I believe that every single person has an opportunity to know the love and goodness of God, not only at any point of their lives but also at the end of it.

I have known God long enough to know that He never gives up on anyone and He will pursue each person who doesn't know Him, in hopes that they will invite Him into their hearts and lives to have an abundant life in Him. That was my hope for my grandfather and is for each person, including you, sweet girl.

Encouragement for the week:

Losing someone close to you isn't easy. Especially, when you have special memories of your time with that person. I understand.

If you are a Christian reading this, you know that there is great comfort and peace in going to Jesus at times of loss. His arms bring rest and assurance, even in the most unsettling of times. Keep running to Him.

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. He has the power and love to walk with you through every loss in your life while bringing you peace and comfort beyond your own understanding.

The Cake And I

Me, my birthday cake, and the Hiawatha flyer. Perfection. After having just celebrated another birthday, recently, it's interesting how my perspective about life has changed.

Of course I know that as time passes, I'm getting older, not younger. That realization alone could be depressing but I have chosen to take a different stance. I'm recognizing so many other things.

The little nuances of life that I experienced as that baby girl were lost on me for obvious reasons. I was young, immature, and inexperienced in the issues of life. That's true for everyone.

What makes the difference as a mature woman, and maturing more every year, is that I'm taking notice of the smaller things rather than the bigger because it's the snapshot moments that make the collage.

I have even made a practice of taking the week prior to my birthday and securing inventory of my life from the previous year. Have I changed? Has my life become what I thought it would?

I think we can all admit that life doesn't always take us where we want to go but, then again, did we really know where that was in the first place?

It's reflecting on the past that causes the greatest introspection because, somehow, my life became a train wreck back then with cars of depression, self-destruction, self-hatred, and addictions strewn along the tracks.

While I have been saved from all that by the grace of God, I can't help but think of how many women, like my former self, are still out there. It's a saddening point of contention for me.

Yet, it's that empathy for the hurting girls and women out there that insist I live with intent and compassion. That I reach out when I can to be a hearing ear and a holding hand.

It's to be aware and ready to seize those moments in life that seem small but actually yield the biggest results. Like sitting on a blanket in a park and enjoying a piece of red velvet cake while being surrounded by loved ones.

Like looking into the eyes of a scared girl and telling her it will be okay. That she's not alone, she matters and is loved.

May each of my birthdays be much more than just about me. May you know that you were meant to be a strong and confident young woman, with no concern for the world's opinions.

Encouragement for the week:

Though birthdays come and go, may you recognize the precious meaning behind your special day. You are not a mistake, my sweet girl.

If you are a Christian reading this, you already know that God chose you to bless the world with your birth. Don't let that incredible truth be lost. Celebrate it!

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. He created and chose you for such a time as this. He is waiting for you to ask Him into your heart and life so that you can know the truth of your beauty as His daughter.

Do I Have Something On My Face?

Yes, even back then I was a connoisseur of all things food. I, carefully, examined all the delicacies that met my mouth with scrutiny and the utmost of etiquette. Okay, who are we kidding...I loved food and wore it because it was that good. Not much has changed since then.

I'm not quite sure what it was that I had decimated in that picture, but by the smile on my face, I think it was mighty good. Whether it was a main dish or dessert, that hair plugged infant enjoyed every minute of what she was experiencing. No, I didn't have actual hair plugs but by the light of the camera flash, I look like a very young Albert Einstein in a moment of frenzy.

Often, food can become a comfort when the rest of the world seems to let you down. It can soothe you when your'e grumpy and lift your spirits when you're sad. Grub can be a powerful 'fix all' to the life stuff we perceive to be a bother to us. Some of my comfort foods include spaghetti or a bag of my favorite chips.

Whatever the go-to fare might be, there's just something about chocolate cake for dinner that makes the world go away. In some ways, I wish my addiction was with food and not what they turned out to be - alcohol and sex. Albeit, if there was a choice to be made, no addictions would have been ideal.

Within the, already, complex design of life, addictions are the last things we have in mind. At least, it was for me. I really thought, with stern determination, that my life would be much different than it had become and without any of the sticky webs that can get in the way. Like lack of self-esteem, being rejected, and self-hatred.

You and I were never meant to battle through life like we do but I also wasn't counting on things turning out the way they did growing up. Being an infant was easier, as much as I recall. I was constantly protected because I needed to be carried and looked after, closely. I had to be within arms, eyes, and ears reach of my parents and that was good.

There are just some things that we were not intended to experience or go through but, somehow, we did and those things hurt us...changed us. While we may ponder addictions, in whatever form, to be harmless, they really aren't. Some can be devastating with life long, adverse, effects or life ending consequences. No matter what, we were created for so much more.

The stark contrast between my life now and decades ago, is like a deep draw of fresh air. I can't imagine where I would be if I had continued on my former path of self-destruction. Well, okay, I do know where I would be - six feet under.

So, as much as you think you are a mistake or the self-deprecating things you're doing now won't have long lasting and life changing effects, you are mistaken on both counts. You mean more than you know. You are loved more deeply than you could ever fathom and it is by someone you may not have considered before because no one ever told you about him. He is the reason I am alive today and have fully recovered from the addictions that once haunted me.

So, while I may have that piece of chocolate cake for dinner, once in a while, with remnants showing all over my face, I know that because I stopped long enough to be known and loved by God, that it is why I inhale deeply today. It is my intense experience and close relationship with God that gives me that sigh of relief that says, "I am not the same girl I once was". For that, comes immense gratitude.

Encouragement for the week:

My friend and sweet girl, if there is something in your life that seems to bring you down more than lift you up, it wasn't meant to be a part of your life. Struggles are real, but they don't have to rule you.

If you are a Christian reading this, you know that you were meant for more when you said, "Yes!" to a relationship with Jesus Christ. He has great things in store for you no matter what you are facing, and He can help you overcome all the things that feel overwhelming right now. Call out to God while you keep trusting and obeying Him. You can believe that good will come from the struggle.

If you are not a Christian reading this, you can look for Jesus and you will find Him. He knows what you are going through. He sees the things you are struggling to get rid of in your life. You don't have to wait to have your life sorted out to come to Him. He will help you overcome everything that is hurting you.