How Are You?

No. Really. How are you? Please know that I am not asking out of obligation but of a genuine interest in how you are doing! I really want to know.

I've noticed, more and more, that our society seems to operate at an arm's length. That some people, while having the best intentions, ask the above question not really wanting an answer. A real answer.

The kind of real answer that could be messy or uncomfortable for the person who asked the question in the first place.

An answer wrought with pain, hurt, isolation, rejection, or loneliness that may even cause fear in the questioner because it's now becoming a commitment.

A commitment to sit down and listen to someone who feels like their life is falling apart. Someone who might see you as their only source of hope, empathy and compassion.

Their only lifeline to getting through the pain and another day. So why do so many people ask the question if they are afraid of the answer? Why are people so afraid to ask the question in the first place?

In the Bible, there is a verse that talks about being in the trenches with another person during difficult times. It talks about weeping with those who weep, mourning with those who mourn but also rejoicing with those who rejoice or celebrate.

To have compassion and empathy. To walk in the other person's shoes, telling them that you are there for them. Truly there.

While their hurt may not be similar to anything that you have experienced, being hurt is universal. Shouldn't care and compassion be universal too?

Unfortunately, it isn't and there are many who choose to remain at arm's length. I am not one of those persons.

I know what it's like to hurt beyond the ability to describe the intensity and excruciating nature of the hurt.

I also know what it's like to be walked past by others who never ask how I am. That hurts too but I don't judge or condemn anyone who may not want to ask the question.

Instead, I make a conscious effort to seek out the lonely, the hurting, the rejected. I choose to stand in the trenches with those who are feeling pain beyond anything they've experienced before.

I choose to be there with them and pray for them when words fail me or my words fail to comfort them and, instead, I sit with them sharing in a dark piece of their world.

I choose to be a compassionate, empathetic, and caring woman because, for me, it's the right thing to do.

At one time, I was a child who loved to play in the mud. Okay, even as an adult, I still love to play in the mud. I don't mind being in the muck or getting dirty.

I don't run or shy away from the messy or the uncomfortable because I've been in the mud of life experiences and the hurt that can erupt out of some of those experiences.

Long ago, I used to be a very off-putting, cold-hearted, and evil-minded woman. Never again. By the grace and love of a good God, I have been saved from that.

As a result of that change, I want to walk alongside those who feel hopeless and frayed. I want to be someone who is never afraid to ask the question...how are you?

So, how are you, really? I want to know. I want to hear from you. Let's talk!

To Hell And Back

Growing up, I knew there was a God and Satan. Good and evil. Heaven and hell.

When I became a Christian, later on in life, I came into a greater understanding of the above and what it all really meant.

When I accepted Jesus into my heart and life, and began a personal relationship with Him and God, my perspective exploded.

Not only did I know and experience evil around me but I knew it wasn't the individual committing evil. It was the heart behind the individual.

As a result of wrong doings committed by Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden, everyone born after them would have a heart prone to do wrong rather than right. This wrong is also known as sin.

However, a belief and acceptance of Jesus and all He did, an asking for forgiveness for our wrong doing, and asking Jesus to come into our hearts and lives to help us, would change us to want to do good.

I believe, deep within each of us, is a  desire to do what is good and I believe that there is good in each person even though they might do what is evil or wrong.

God never created evil. God did create each of us and gave us the gift of free will.

Free will would be our tool to choose between what is good and what is wrong or evil.

I used to enjoy doing evil until I came to know Jesus and develop a relationship with Him.

Once I got to know Him and God, I realized that they were good, loving, merciful, gracious, patient, and so much more.

However, I also realized that while I was cultivating this relationship, there was also someone very strong and determined to do everything in his power to stop me from getting closer to God. That someone being Satan or the devil.

Satan used to be good. In fact, he used to be one of God's favored angels until he got prideful and arrogant about his position and wanted, instead, to be God.

As a consequence of the evil or wrong held in Satan's heart, he fell from heaven and ceased to be a member of God's army. So, he forged his own army and became bent on attacking people. Especially those who chose God over himself.

Last week I was attacked. Viciously and relentlessly, for four days. It was hell.

It wasn't an attack on my physical self like assault, rape, or robbery which are equally hellish for anyone who has been a victim of these crimes. The attack, while very personal, was also very real to me. It was an attack on my mind and heart.

One of the things Satan is 'famous' for is being the father of lies. He likes to mess with our heads and hearts to beat us down.

In the Bible, Satan is described as a lion that prowls around looking for someone to devour (destroy). He does this subtly and, often, without our full awareness.

We may think what is happening in us is just a bad day or a foul mood but it's actually Satan working in our minds to think and believe failure, inadequacy, doubt, fear, loneliness, and more.

Working in our hearts to have bitterness, anger, resentment, gossip, grudges, hatred and more toward others.

Often his tactics work. They did on me. I was completely unprepared. So when a small change happened within a situation I was in, I unknowingly opened the door to feelings of rejection and, next thing I knew, my mind and heart became a battleground. My own personal hell.

A hell that Satan used to remind me of all my deep insecurities and fill me with feelings of inadequacy, fear, pity, resentment, anger, and more. For several days, Satan used my weaknesses against me and I became a pool of tears who was barely able to pray.

It took a close friend, who came to my aid, reminding me that because I am a Christian and a follower of Jesus, that Satan wants to stop me from having great things. Great things that God has planned for me.

That Satan will try to stop me any way he can, whether in making me believe I have innumerable faults or that I'm to have ill will in my heart toward myself and others.

I've never been in such excruciating pain like this and I had never felt so alone in my life, while trying to fight against the lies I was struggling not to believe.

As my good friend continued, I became reminded of many things I had forgotten in those days of hell. That God was my strength and my help, that He loved me, that He is good and that He has the very best for me.

In absorbing those words, no truths, I fell to my knees and wept harder than I ever had in my life while praying equally hard for the hell to end and asking God to help me.

It was in those most painful moments and feeling so alone and so abandoned that I suddenly felt the presence of God.

A presence that came in the form of peace and quiet inside of me. A presence that enveloped me in love and said that I would be okay. I felt held.

In my loneliness and darkness, I felt God and Jesus with me and I cried even harder because not only did my girlfriend care enough to help me but God and Jesus, my Creator and His Son, cared even more.

I had been in my own personal hell but God reached down and brought me out of that hell. He loved me and helped me.

This is why I can't and won't go back to my old life. I didn't have help back then. I just kept drowning. I needed help.

Whereas last week, even though I felt like I was drowning, a helping hand reached down and saved me. The hand of God.

I need God, all the time. I can't get through a day without Him. In my loneliness, fear or hurt God is with me and saves me every time.

Who pulls you out of the darkest times of your life, when it feels like hell? Did you know that in addition to being loving, that God is also our helper? I'd like to hear from you! Let's talk!!

Liar, Liar Pants On Fire!

The truth hurts. Lies hurt even more. So why is it easier to tell a lie than it is the truth? And why is it easier to believe a lie than it is the truth?

It's been my understanding and experience that lies are negative, hurtful, and destructive. Whereas the truth, when spoken with a heart of love, while sometimes painful, is actually beneficial and often a source of relief for those who speak and receive truth.

Truth, in its definition is that which is true or in accordance with fact or reality. Yet it seems to be much more acceptable, these days, to spout lies. A lot of them.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect. For years, I used to make a career of lying, manipulating, and controlling.

I lied so much that I had to stack lies in order to cover up the previous lies I forgot I told. My life was a train wreck, my heart was as black as coal and cold as ice. I was a good liar. The greatest oxymoron.

So when did the line between truth and lying become so blurred? When did it become permissible to lie through our teeth instead of 'tell no lies'?

I'd honestly like to know. The person I was, a liar, had no integrity. There wasn't an ounce of honesty, humility, or sincerity. I lied to get ahead, ridicule others, and cover up my mistakes.

It was a horrible cycle and my own soul suffered for it. There was a point when I believed that there was no way I could change my ways.

I had gone too far. Pushed the limits and gone past the point of no return too many times. I was hooped, or so I thought.

However, nine and a half years ago I met God face to face and my lying ways stopped, my record expunged and I was set free.

In God, I gained a new lease on life and I didn't look back. My years of lying, manipulation and control were over and I became a woman who wouldn't compromise telling the truth for anything.

My heart filled with a great desire to be a woman of integrity, character, and humility. Now I live each day striving to be that woman, more and more.

Like I said before, I'm not perfect and I am prone to make mistakes but my relationship with Jesus compels me to be humble enough to own my mistakes and be truthful about my imperfections and mess ups.

Being truthful, whether to myself or others in a spirit of love, has brought incredible freedom and a peace I've never before experienced. Those kinds of highs I can handle!

Though the truth may hurt sometimes, I won't shatter when being told the truth by others and I won't shy away from speaking the truth, in love, to someone.

Truth is good. VERY good. Lies are not and as much as we may think they won't catch up with us, they will. They always will. I can attest to that.

So, own up to the lies and make a decision, today, to speak truth because it will set you free and it will set you up for success and set you apart from a world that appears to accept lies more readily than the truth.

Nowadays, I have a zero tolerance for lying. Whether in relationships, business or otherwise. For me, lying is a deal breaker. Always will be.

How do you feel about lying? Is it a deal breaker for you too? I'd like to hear from you! Let's talk!

I Have A Dream

You may know this statement as part of the famous speech made by Martin Luther King Jr., an American civil rights activist, during the March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom on August 28, 1963. His speech was for an end to racism in the US and called for civil and economic rights. He delivered his speech to over 250,000 civil rights supporters from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C. It is considered a defining moment of the American Civil Rights Movement. (Wikipedia)

I wonder how long this speech was a dream in his heart before becoming his destiny to deliver the message, changing the course of history. I wonder if he doubted the dream of this message within him. Like Martin Luther King Jr., I think it's safe to say that we all have dreams that reside in our hearts. Some have been there for a long time. For me, I have a couple dreams that have made a home in my heart. One for over 9 years and another for 19 years. The longing I have for these dreams to be fulfilled has been crippling at times and completely consumed my every thought.

There is a story in the Bible about a man named Abram and his wife, Sarai. They were both up in years, okay a nice way of saying old, and had a dream of having a baby but Sarai was barren. Barrenness, in that time, was considered shameful because of the important social status of both bearing and raising children. God, the giver of the Bible, visited Abram one day telling him that he and Sarai would have a son. Not just any son but a child from which nations would be established.

This news excited them! Understandably so. To be told this kind of news would be, at the very least, mind-blowing information in light of their circumstances. After all, as I mentioned, these folks were old and WAY beyond having children. But they held on to that dream, thinking and hoping I'm sure, that it would happen right away. I would have thought the very same but it didn't. I can't even imagine the sadness, disappointment, and disbelief they felt as time kept passing them by and no child. I feel their pain.

When you have a dream that feels so real and strong in you and your heart, it's hard to let it go. At times, I've had to let go of my dreams because the pain of waiting to see them fulfilled was, often, more than I could bear. I tried to forget them, tuck them away, stop hoping, and move forward without them.

As much as I tried to forget and dismiss them, the dreams remained deep within me. To this day, they still remain, after all these years. There appears to be something greater in me that won't let those dreams go. I believe that something is God. That He keeps cheering me on to keep my dreams alive, wanting my heart to beat with them and with hope that the dreams will become reality. Sooner rather than later would be nice.

Well, 25 years later, Abram and Sarai's dream DID come true and it was such an incredible fulfillment that God changed their names. They became Abraham and Sarah who gave birth to a son named Isaac. Of course, this happy ending didn't come without struggles. Namely that they went off track in their waiting and tried to make the dream happen by their own unsuccessful methods. I understand that, completely, as I have tried the same only to have it bite me in the butt.

So, I'm back to waiting and believing that because I still have these dreams in my heart after all this time, that they will be fulfilled. It's just a matter of when. Now I have a dream that my dreams will be fulfilled when the time is right. Um, today would be good. I'd be fine with today for the dreams to be reality. No pressure. None. Did I mention that today works for me? Hahaha

What are your dreams? Do you find it painful to dream? Let me encourage you to keep dreaming and let your heart beat with those dreams. I want to hear from you and what your dreams are. Private message me if you prefer. Let's talk!!

Brought To My Knees

Some of the toughest men and women can be brought to their knees through a dramatic or tragic change in their life circumstances. The sudden death of a spouse, divorce, or the death of a child are just some of the most severe and heart stopping situations that can cause the 'toughest of the tough' to crumble and weep like a child.

I recently viewed a program that highlighted a group of Jewish children who experienced and survived one of the most horrific events of our time, the Holocaust. Of course, these children are no longer children. Today they make up an elderly population of just under 200,000 in the country of Israel. Most, if not all of them, are living below the poverty line.

As a few of them shared their stories, I watched as the events of so long ago, became real to them again. They remembered watching their parents and siblings perish while they, somehow, survived. I believe it was to tell their stories, even though brutal, to the rest of us. That we would not only be educated on something that most of us wouldn't even give a second thought to, but also to know that it really did happen.

I couldn't deny that it happened as I watched people tell their stories, shaking and crying, some showing pictures of their families and describing how they died. One man cut off a third of a piece of bread to give a visual reference of what the daily bread ration was for the prisoners. I wept for them and wondered how often their circumstances brought them to their knees. Watching as they played old videos of the conditions of those camps during the program, made me realize that sheer physical weakness would have, easily, brought me to my knees. Not to mention the desperation to see those conditions end, whether by means of liberation or death.

In my own life, I have faced times when I didn't have strength to stand and be strong and came crashing to my knees. Sometimes I would kneel in silence, while other times I wept bitterly like a small child. For moments, at times hours, I would cry not understanding what had just happened in my life that, now, brought me to my knees. Heartbreak, loneliness, and frustration were just some of the things that made me crumble. They still do.

However, as a Christian, I have had a recourse in my life that brought comfort in the moments I didn't have the strength to stand up and face life. That recourse was and is prayer. During the year of 2011, I came into a very clear understanding that I was to be a woman of prayer. I took hold of that understanding and have been praying for myself and others even when I went through times of struggling to pray. I have even experienced times when I doubted the power of prayer.

Nevertheless, there was always something in me that kept me praying during those times of doubt and uncertainty. I think that the Jewish people in those concentration camps during the Holocaust would have prayed. Even those who had never prayed in their lives prior to their imprisonment. For me, there is something about prayer that brings peace and comfort. It has been life saving in a way and a source of hope when I felt hopeless. A way to mourn and grieve the things in my life that I didn't have the courage to share with another person.

Prayer has been my conduit to get beyond the pain and hurt and to reach the other side of a dark chasm that felt bottomless. It wasn't until I got through a time of desperation, on my knees in prayer, that I felt so lifted up. Prayer does matter and it is powerful. Even if you have never prayed before, it can make a difference in your life and someone else's.

What are the things that bring you to your knees? What gives you the strength to get back up and be stronger than before? I really want to hear from you. Let's talk! You can also private message me on Facebook to share in confidence.

Hope

Hope is defined many ways. I came across a definition of hope that was kind of all encompassing and applicable to my own life: 'To trust in, wait for, look for, or desire something or someone; or to expect something beneficial in the future'. There are things we hope for. A sick friend to get well, a job to be found, world peace, and a future.

My older sister is visiting me for a couple days right now and as we spent time together in conversation, I posed to her the question, "What do you hope for?" She replied, "A hope for peace of mind and heart and happiness." Those were great answers. Then she began to draw from her past about a greater hope.

In January of 2002, she sustained a spontaneous spinal cord injury. There was no cause or reason for it to happen. It just did. She was 7 months pregnant with her second child when the injury happened. The spinal cord injury caused numbness in her body from her nipple line down.

Emergency surgery was performed to first extract her premature baby of 2 months before being turned over to have a blood clot removed that was compressing her spine, causing the paralysis. Even though she was able to wiggle her toes 4 days following the surgeries, the doctors told her that she wouldn't walk again.

As she continued to recall the events in her mind to me of that time, she said that it was hope that kept her going. She refused the doctor's diagnosis and through months of determination and perseverance, it was her hope of walking again that made the difference.

Nine weeks after the injury, she was released from the hospital, wheelchair bound, but her hope and determination to walk never waned. The more progress she saw, the more determined she became. Seven months after leaving the hospital she walked on her own, unassisted. She shattered the grim diagnosis given to her by the doctors and defied all the odds of a spinal cord injury all because of a hope to walk again and her two children.

In my own life, I've had hope for many things that seem to continue to be deferred: A hope to have a relationship with my son, a hope to be married again, and a hope to be a successful blogger and public speaker. Of course I have many more hopes like salvation for my family and friends, contentment, and that I'm moving in the right direction for my life.

Have I ever lost hope? Yes. Many times. The crazy thing about losing hope is that I've always found it because hope, I believe, is something that is inherent in all of us. A natural part of who we are even when we don't understand it. Hope is something that has kept me going in the darkest and most difficult times in my life. It was what kept my sister going when others said walking wasn't possible and all the odds were stacked against her.

Hope is something we can hold on to when everything else is gone. I choose hope. I need hope. I embrace hope. Some days it's all I have when I'm praying and all that keeps me going. Hope can change everything within our circumstances when we're staring into the face of all that tries to defeat us. Never. Lose. Hope.

What do you hope for? Have you lost your hope for something? I want to hear from you! Let's talk!

Just...Breathe

Busyness, schedules, obligations, responsibilities. Family life, job life, everyday life. Do more, give more, be more. These are just some of the characteristics of a stressful and, sometimes, chaotic life. For me, my stress and chaos came from living in a city 7.5 years longer than I wanted to. Of course I thought it was the greatest idea to move to a big city in the beginning. The pulse, excitement, money, and opportunities were at the forefront of my mind and, honestly, my heart. I thought I had it made but then things started to change. I started to change and the fast paced craziness I once enjoyed was no longer appealing. The excitement soon changed to dread. It seemed like I was always in a hurry to get somewhere that took me, what felt like forever, to get to. As each year passed, I felt more drained, hurried, and stressed.

It was only after I moved from the city into the country, two years ago, that I gained a perspective of just how stressed I was. For 11 years, living in the city, stress had taken a hold of me. At first it was subtle, benign, almost undetectable. Only a few years after being in the city, the stress was no longer undetectable. It was obvious, painfully obvious. It was affecting every part of me. My mood, behavior, and body. I was easily irritated, frustrated, and I had a lot of body pain and muscle tension. There were even times I remember driving in the city that I would become so infuriated with other drivers that I was contemplating doing things I wouldn't normally.

I read an online article posted by the Mayo Clinic that addressed the issue of stress and how destructive it can be to our bodies, thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. If stress isn't properly managed, it can lead to major health problems like high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity and diabetes.

The article went on to list several other effects of stress. They included: headache, chest pain, sleep problems, anxiety, irritability or anger, feeling overwhelmed, angry outbursts, drug or alcohol abuse, social withdrawal, and the list goes on and on! I was taken back by how many of the effects I recall having in the years of city living.

The Mayo Clinic article also offered stress management strategies to help offset the negative impact of stress. They are: regular physical activity, deep breathing, getting a massage, keeping a sense of humor, socializing, and having hobbies. They also suggest getting plenty of rest and eating a healthy diet along with seeking medical help if you experience symptoms that may be associated with stress or if your efforts to manage your stress have become unsuccessful. Seeking help can equip you with coping skills to better tackle and manage the stress you are facing.

While it was a long time before I was able to properly manage my stress, the greater relief was when I came into a personal relationship with God and Jesus. The peace and contentment I have come to know in them, even in the midst of chaos, equipped me to live in a crazy city and a crazy world without completely losing my cheese! Hahahaha It also helped me to stay sane until my desire to be in the country, happened. I can honestly say that now I'm in the peace and quiet I longed for, I wouldn't trade it for anything!!

There is a story in the Bible, in the book of Luke, that talks of stress in everyday life and how we can lose sight of the things that are truly important when we allow stress to take over. That story is about two sisters, Mary and Martha, who lived together and received an unexpected visitor one day...Jesus. They were both excited and Martha started busying herself with preparing a feast. She soon became stressed and annoyed that her sister wasn't helping. Meanwhile, Mary was so overtaken by Jesus' presence that she immediately dropped everything and sat at His feet. Resting. Breathing. Taking in the moment.

The video I included as part of my blog speaks to this breathing. That being and choosing to turn from the chaos brings peace, quiet, and a time of refreshing. As one line of the song says, "Chaos calls but all you really need is to just breathe."

How true this has become in my own life. Sure I could allow the pressures of the world around me to dictate my reactions and increase my stress levels but I choose not to and opt for peace and deep breathing. To be in the moment, to be present, and to just breathe.

What stresses and chaos exist in your life? What are the things taking precedence over your own well being and stress management? Do you take time to just be? I want to hear from you! Let's talk!