Monday, December 12, 2016

Awestruck And Gobsmacked

In my singleness really-wish-it-was-over-already journey, I feel like I have been climbing the emotional and spiritual equivalent of Mount Everest.

I know that many people have tried to get to the top of this infamous mountain. Some were successful, others were not and had to return to the bottom. Some lost their lives trying to achieve their dream of reaching the summit.

Even though I have never attempted the climb, I think I may have a sense of what those, who tackled the real mountain, experienced.

In this season of my singleness, I don't think I was fully prepared for what was going to be required to make this journey. I know I was not ready for the length of it and it often felt like my season was ALWAYS winter with blizzard after blizzard.

Each subsequent step upward seemed to take more effort than the last. At times, it became hard to breathe and I would have to camp in one spot for hours, sometimes days because the storm just became too much.

Often, there was exhaustion, impatience, pleading, frustration, and discouragement ruling every part of me. It took everything I had to want to continue up the daunting mountain.

There was even that voice inside that said I would never get to the top. That I would never overcome the doubt and fear that plagued me.

This might seem a bit dramatic, but I felt like I would die on that mountain of singleness. Never realizing the sweet taste of victory over the misery my status often brought.

Yet, something inside of me kept telling me to hold on, fight through the tears, and resume the climb. Keep on toward the summit of marriage that, I believe, God has in store for me.

Interestingly enough, after nine and a half years of climbing, I stumbled upon a hidden pre-summit this past week. Frankly, it was like a five star cup of hot chocolate, with mini marshmallows, suddenly appearing to warm and thaw this woman-sicle.

As I drank carefully but desperately, I could feel joy and contentment filling me. Almost to overflowing. The more I drank, the more hot chocolate came.

My heart burst with gratitude as this spiritual beverage filled every longing crevasse. The experience left me awestruck and gobsmacked to say the least.

There is a man in the Bible by the name of Paul. I guess you could say that he, spiritually, climbed Mount Everest too. He would talk about his experiences of telling people about Jesus and the opposition he encountered.

He was beaten, flogged, shipwrecked, threatened, and so much more. You would think he'd pack it in early on in his climb.

As much misfortune that came his way, Paul kept climbing and he kept an optimism that few could muster, myself included. In fact, he delighted in pointing out that in spite of everything that was done to him and all he had to go through, he had joy and contentment.

I'm thankful to say that after all these years of climbing and struggling that I can, honestly and finally, relate to how Paul is feeling and it is so incredible. It almost makes the climb, thus far, worth it...almost.

I have to say that I am looking forward, more and more, to reaching the top of my Mount Everest. To stand at the top in complete awe after this long and arduous climb.

In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy my hot chocolate, with mini marshmallows, all the way to the top.

Encouragement for the week:

Do you feel like you are climbing Mount Everest? You are not alone, my friend.

Though the way is difficult and the journey is taking all you've got, take a break but keep going. You'll reach your summit if you persevere.

If you are a Christian reading this, keep looking up, into the eyes of God and don't take them off Him for ANYTHING. You're going to make it if you don't give up.

If you are not a Christian reading this, God knows your every heartache and cares for you. He and Jesus want a relationship with you. They love you beyond measure. Look for them and you will find them.

Time for more hot chocolate.


  1. Oh my goodness, this is so well-written! And I don't think it's dramatic; I believe many people who are single and don't want to be would agree with you. I do not doubt the incredible hardship of being single.... however, I often find myself wishing I'd never married! I continue to find a mate.... but every single time, they decide they don't want me anymore. I honestly think it's more painful not being wanted by the person who promised to always want and love you than to not find or have someone to want you at all. This Mount Everest is one I can hardly bare. I think there is safety in singleness. 💔

    1. Oh B, my heart breaks for you. I had no idea! Really? You are loved and valued beyond measure, sweet girl! The King of Kings wants you to know that! Thank you for being so vulnerable in your comments.

      I have lived on both sides and they were both heart breaking. While I know, all too well, how hard it's been being single, I refuse to settle for anything less than God's best for me.

      I spent too many years throwing myself into the arms of abusive men who I used but in the end, the repercussions were greater on me and my soul. I never truly felt loved or accepted until I was saved by God.

      Now, I hide behind my shield (God) and determine to be the right person this time while God prepares my husband. I truly believe marriage is God's plan for me and I do not take the commitment or reality of marriage lightly.

      I love and trust God completely and I know I need to be fulfilled by Him first because my spouse cannot and will not.

      I'm praying for you, sweet girl, and pray that you would chase after God to be completely filled and fulfilled by Him! I love you, B!!!

  2. Melissa. I feel for you and your pain. LOL you could say I lost my close partner of 10 years to God! In my singleness though I don't see my everest as insurmountable! Rather a journey and believe me I been here before and the rough parts not only relationships but other obstacles as for example the politics of governments that make life's path more difficult. In reality life is a journey and what I would like most is a partner to share my journey with, rather than rejoice at the top after all the pain it took to get there.

    1. Thanks, Mark, for your comments and for sharing some of your story. I appreciate that. I'm very sorry for your loss.

      As painful as the journey can be at times, I am making every effort to make and get the most out of each day that God has given me even though there might be instances of not understanding why certain things happen.

      However, as I get closer to God and older in age, there is more of a realization that great lessons are being learned and incredible change is taking place. Both very good things.

      So, even though my eyes are on the summit, each step toward that is becoming, more and more,a celebration of life, joy, and love.

  3. I have been a widow for 8 years. At times, it is just extremely painful for me to attend singles events. Sometimes the people in charge at the pulpit say things like "we hope you find your soul mate here." Or, "the next fireside will be about love, right in time for Valentine's Day." I only attend for a little social support and for some reason, I just want to go home and cry.

  4. I'm so sorry for your pain. I can feel your heart break and I can't even imagine what you are going through as a widow. I tell people that my heartache, while very real to me,is only as a result of not having him (a husband). But in your situation, to have had him then lost him, well I can't even imagine that. The sorrow that comes from that, I can only imagine and send you hugs.

    I'm not sure if you are a Christian but I have found great comfort in a small group bible study with other women. The support, encouragement, and prayer time has been invaluable and enabling to make it through each day of singleness.

    You are in my prayers! Hugs!