For the past week, I have been filled with a deep, indescribable peace.
A peace that has brought me restful sleep without being woken by doubt and anxiety.
The eviction notice worked! The squatters (self-defeating thoughts) are gone! I choose to keep it that way!
The peace is a welcome reprieve and I know God is behind it.
It's amazing how different things are now that I have peace.
I have clear and rational thought patterns and I'm not ruled by feelings and emotions...as much.
The inner calm has also enabled me to hear more clearly from God and what He wants me to do. That is to trust Him. *gulp*
I have shared in the past that I have trust issues.
Since becoming a Christian, I know that one of the key components of maturing in faith is to trust God implicitly.
To let go of my own control and let God, with whom I have shared a very close relationship, take care of things. All things.
Much easier said than done.
There are still days that I believe I can do a better job with my life than God. When will I ever learn?
I think it's because I have forgotten the mess I made when I took over so I think I can do better if given another chance.
Wrong!!!
However, with this peace so strong within me, giving up control has definitely become easier.
Yet it still comes with speed bumps.
One of the major bumps being trusting God for my future.
Moreso, trusting Him for the continued desire and longing for marriage.
Trusting Him to make things happen without seeing anything materialize until the time is perfect.
Trusting Him to know what I need and when I need it.
In all honesty, waiting for something this BIG to happen without any outward encouragement sucks.
One of my top three love languages is words of encouragement. In this case, I need it to be acts of encouragement.
I want a sign, a text, a billboard from God telling me when all this is going to go down.
When God is going to pull the theoretical trigger on my greatest desire.
The unknown can be an exciting place to be. I've experienced it.
However, this kind of unknown is not exciting. It's heart breaking and frustrating.
Don't get me wrong, I have had times of calmness and contentment while single, as I wait.
Just not all that often.
So, what I am seeing is what I get.
A blank canvas I am waiting on God to paint.
A desert I am walking through in hopes of coming across that oasis of food, drink, and merriment.
So, in order to get over my trust issues, whether with myself and/or God, I have to make a decision.
Do I want to be more than who I am in God right now? Yes!
Do I want to do the work required to be greater than my doubts, fears, and anxieties? Heck ya!!
Then that leaves me one option...one route. To trust God. To trust Jesus.
I just know, that I know, that I can trust the One who died for me. So can you.
Here goes nothin'!!!!
Encouragement for today:
Pain is universal and inevitable in the world we live in.
Whatever pain or heart break you are going through, you are not alone.
While it seems very unpleasant right now, something will come out of this. Something beautiful.
Your pain will not be in vain and it will make you stronger than before the tragedy crossed your path.
I know there are days it gets hard to breathe and it takes everything you have to get out of bed in the morning.
Get up. Don't give up!
If you know Jesus, you know there is peace and calm in this storm. You can trust Him.
If you don't know Jesus, look for Him and you will find Him and you will find peace.
I pray wherever you are, whatever you are going through, that you would know it will be okay. YOU will be okay.
No comments:
Post a Comment