Monday, October 3, 2016

The Calming Effect

After a time of hellish difficulty, what do you do to bring a calming effect? Whether it be a physical, mental, emotional or spiritual difficulty.

Does the effect come in the way of a cup of your favorite tea? A good cry? A cozy fire? Maybe a walk in a quiet place?

A couple weeks ago, I wrote about a time of intense torment in my life. A time when I was in my own personal hell quite fearful that I would not see the end of it any time soon.

However, after four days time, I did see an end but it wasn't until every ounce of strength I had was drained from me through crying, screaming, and praying. 

I reached the end of the dark tunnel, breaking through into the light of a saving hope that I was fighting, tooth and nail, to reach.

I still recall that time, like it was yesterday, and the torment I was battling. I remember being so desperate for it to end yet only able to bring relief by weeping.

The interesting thing, now, is that I have found my calming effect through reflecting on what I went through and knowing that I was never alone in the fight even though it felt that way at the time.

The great retrospect of having the hand of God on and over me as I called out for relief and help, thinking there was no one to hear me.

Yes, recalling and reflecting on that week of hell has brought me to a place of incredible calm and renewed strength. 

A place of deep gratitude to God for not just saving me from further torment after those four initial days were over but also walking with me through it all, in spite of my skewed perspective that God was absent and didn't care.

A knowledge of being changed, profoundly and richly, as a Christian woman.

A realization that the bowels in which I resided for that short time was actually the refining fire I needed to go through to reach a spiritual place I had been praying to get to. For a long time.

It may sound crazy, even insane to some. To pray that God would remove all the things in me I hated is, well...idiotic. Isn't it?

I'm saying this knowing I am the one who prayed the prayer. I just didn't know how it would play out or when.

It did and as horrible as it was, I am so incredibly thankful that not only it finally happened but that it was as intense as it was.

For me, I truly believe it had to happen that way because now, I have an inward calm, strength, and confidence that I didn't have before. 

Even the overwhelming loneliness I used to battle on a daily basis, that was physically painful at times, has lessened. At times, I don't even feel lonely even though I'm alone.

It's perplexing and unbelievable especially if you are reading this and don't believe in God. Maybe you ARE a believer and are equally perplexed.

I'm certainly perplexed and in a state of disbelief at the results of a time I would never wish on my worst enemy.

At the end of it all, while I can't fully explain things now, I only know the peace I have that is unlike anything before. 

I have a hope for the future that I didn't conceive of before the hell got fueled. 

I also have a greater trust of God that I never thought I would ever have.

So the difficulty, for me, was needed. I never knew I wanted it until I took the time to reflect on what has happened now as a result of what happened then.

What brings you a calming effect after a time of hardship? I want to hear from you. Let's talk!

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