Monday, October 31, 2016
Sow & Reap
I REALLY enjoy exercising! Whether walking or weightlifting, exercise has been my best therapy for decades.
If I'm angry, I exercise. If I'm frustrated, I exercise. If I'm stressed out, I exercise. If I'm...well, you get the idea.
Even in the frustration and sorrow of my singleness, I exercise by walking.
For some reason, when I am having a particularly difficult day in accepting my single status, walking brings calmness.
A calm I can't quite explain but welcome because, in all reality, I have no idea when I will no longer be single.
Of course while I walk out my struggle I also vent.
Lately I have noticed something, however, that isn't good.
There is a place in the Bible that talks about sowing and reaping. That is, planting seeds that will bring about a harvest.
Like farmers, we as humans can plant seeds (feelings, thoughts, emotions) in our soil (hearts and minds).
These seeds can bring about a crop (result) of weeds (negativity) or bushels of wheat (goodness).
It's up to us to decide how that crop is going to turn out depending on the kind of fertilizer (information) we choose.
I'm embarrassed to admit this, but my fertilizer has been a weed grower.
I have been taking my eyes off the ball (God) and gotten myself onto an island, population: 1.
I have been harboring feelings of anger, resentment, and self-pity about my singleness.
Whining about the very status that I said last week I was trusting God with. Did I not??? *sigh*
Luckily, God wasn't really keen on letting me have a pity party and getting lost in my emotions.
Interestingly enough, I started to hear messages about sowing and reaping.
That if I sow bad thoughts and feelings of resentment or anger, soon they will manifest into other things.
Like bitterness, unforgiveness, and animosity.
That was enough to stop me in my tracks and I broke down, sobbing.
I didn't want to be a person who held anything against anyone even though I never really knew who I was holding these things against.
Myself? God? Married people?
Yesterday, in coming to this realization, I went for a really long walk in the sunshine and talked (prayed) to God.
I mean I REALLY laid it out. Fully aware of who I had slowly become and QUICKLY wanting to get rid of her.
I started confessing all the things I was holding in my heart that, I knew, shouldn't be there.
You know what happened? They stopped.
The negative feelings, the self-pity...stopped.
Instead, I felt calm and at peace. As soon as I switched my fertilizer from bad to good, it made my heart (the soil) feel better.
I even had peace, without any worry, about my single status and I felt like I could really breathe for the first time in a long time.
I couldn't help but thank God for helping me go through that experience.
Showing me that even though I'm not happy about being single, I can be okay with it for now. That I can even have peace with it.
I want to sow good things into my heart and life so that I'm not walking around in misery while I'm waiting.
I want to encourage you today that if you are in the waiting room of singleness, you are not alone.
For some, it's been a really long wait.
I know it's not easy waiting. I'm sorry and I understand.
I'm waiting with you and am here for you. The negativity will come sometimes but fight to hold on to positivity.
Go for a walk if you need to. Throw a fit if you have to but, please, don't stay there.
Start each day by looking for something good, even if it's something small.
Sometimes I start the day with something I am thankful for.
Whatever you need to take the edge off.
Be good to yourself and say some kind words to yourself.
You're worth it.