As you all know, this week was on the topic of Inner Healing and Freedom. This involved us being familiarized with the many personalities and walls that we tend to have and build in our lives as a direct result of being fed lies, being hurt by those we love and living with the scars of our past, in whatever form those scars take. Whether they are scars of rejection, lust, ungodly relationships, guilt, failure, worthlessness, it goes on and on and it often haunts us as we live out our daily lives.
But this week was to be the end of all of it!! The first three days of the week were intense with information and note taking that would then be used to prepare us for self-examination and, ultimately, confession.
Before I dive into the results of our time of renouncing and confession, I had the surreal opportunity of celebrating my birthday on Wednesday with my Costa Rican family! I couldn't believe that I was here, in Costa Rica, celebrating my 39th birthday! Crazy!!! But my day started well as I dreamed of eating chocolate cake for breakfast. hee hee And it wasn't long before one of my roommates gained the base's attention and participation in singing me 'Happy Birthday'. LOL It was fantastic and I was greeted with well wishes from those I knew and didn't know. It was blowing my mind.
THEN, when we took a break from class in the morning, I was quickly greeted with my birthday cake and God answered BIG TIME on this one for it was a multilayered chocolate cake!!!!!! YES!!!! Unbelievable!!!! I wasn't shy at all when I asked for a 'muy grande' piece of this chocolate heaven! I think I was floating while I ate it. LOL
Once back to the classroom, we finished up the remaining information needed to go and prepare ourselves for the days of confession and cleansing as a team that happened Thursday and yesterday. Before everyone left class, I told them that I wanted to capture a picture for my blog to show all of you my Costa Rica family, my brothers and sisters in Christ!!! Handsome group aren't we??!! :D
It was a day of huge blessing for my birthday. I was showered with love, hugs, smiles and well wishes, along with a card and special notes from my roommates and team! Wow. Happy Birthday to me!!!!
So, back to our time of confession. We found a quiet spot, a place called Homes for Hope, where we set up chairs and began first thing Thursday morning. Before beginning, we entered into a confidentiality pact as a team as a commitment to keep whatever was said during that time in that place, to ourselves and not to be shared with anyone!
We had a chair that was called the 'hot seat' and then they asked who wanted to go first. I was so ready to be rid of my past and be healed by God that it didn't take my arm long to shoot up into the air. However, I soon began to realize the implications of going first and I began to physically shake....I was petrified. It's not everyday that you expose parts of your past life to a group of people who you didn't even know two and a half weeks ago!!! But I firmly took my place in the chair preparing myself to begin, when I started to feel nauseous but God quickly helped me as He gave me the peace and courage to begin...and so I did.
I put a name to everything in my past that had caused me hurt: the loss of my childhood as a result of being sexually assaulted as a little girl, the loss of my identity growing up and as I became a woman, the sorrow of losing pieces of my soul as a result of sleeping with so many men throughout my adult life, the sorrow of feeling like a failure as a mother to my son, sorrow for abusing myself with drugs and alcohol, and sorrow for having the wrong definition of love.
But as I proclaimed each painful piece of my past, I also renounced it ever having any power over me or my life, anymore. I forgave and asked for forgiveness as well as being asked for forgiveness from people in my group who were representing the significant people of my past. And without breaching our confidentiality pact as a group, I can shout openly that I AM FREE!!!!! God has redeemed my past! I have been made pure!!!! I am now, without a doubt, a pure woman of God and a pure woman for my future husband and I WILL know the TRUE definition of love in the weeks to come!
Once I was finished and I was robed in white, with a white flower placed in my hair, I proclaimed out loud, to my team, the same...that I was free! As the song says, my chains are gone, I've been set free!
I went back to my original seat as I watched each subsequent member of my holy family take their place in the seat of confession and pour out the junk that had been weighing each of them down and I also watched as each one of them was freed!!! It was amazing to me how different each person looked once they were freed and all the lies, torment and hurt left their souls and their bodies and they sat upright in truth and love that God was pouring into each of them. I was so excited and proud for each one of them!!!
With this newly anointed freedom we celebrated with a bonfire last night. But this wasn't just any ordinary bonfire! We had to bring a written page of all the things that we were renouncing in our pasts and once doing so, in the name and blood of Jesus, we threw those papers, and any other personal items, into the fire. Any soul ties, lies, strongholds and generational curses that were robbing us, were noted on the paper and it all died as the paper became consumed by the flames. It was very invigorating!!
After doing that, we were invited to take part in communion, to really come before the Lord and thank Him for everything He has done for us and for what Jesus did for each of us on the cross. I was looking forward to that, so I made my way to the 'Homes for Hope' and got comfortable.
Closing my eyes, I began to pray for God to clear my mind and heart of all distractions and I began praising and thanking Him for everything that He has done for me since I've been here. I just couldn't say thank you to Him enough!!!! Then God came over me with a hush and I became still. He began to clear my mind and heart of every distraction and He began to speak to my heart in that still, small voice I adore and love to hear.
He told me that He wanted to show me my past. He filled my mind with a picture of myself standing beside Him as He showed me my past. There was nothing there, it was gone. It was clear and purified. Everything from my past was gone, like it never happened, and so it should be. Then God spoke, "This is your past now and you will have a new history with me. The only man and lover you had in your past was me. I want to show you real love."
I broke down and sobbed intensely as I began thanking God over and over and over again. My past WAS gone and all I could see in God's picture was a clean slate, as white as snow. God filled me with peace and love that quieted my soul and I knew I was ready to take part in communion with my God. I can't even describe how this act now means to me. To take of the body and blood of Christ. I am in awe, I am new and pure. I am clean. Praise God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As a side note, my nicknames just expanded. To my family, or should I say to my 'kids' on my team, I am known as: Melly, Mel and Mama Mel. I am truly blessed. Thank you, God. Thank you.
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